Okay, okay. I know. I have been slacking. I PROMISE I am going to be back in full force over the next couple of weeks. Work has gone completely insane (seriously people- it is Christmas! Can't people stop abusing their children just for the MOMENT? It makes me crazy!) and I am so exhausted at this point, I hardly have enough energy to lay down at the end of the day and I am pretty sure I have fallen asleep sitting straight up a couple of times in the last several weeks. Thank GOD for my husband- he is a saint every year around this time- and he pretty much takes care of every last minute detail so that everyone gets a gift, it is actually wrapped in Christmas paper, we have food to eat, and gas in the cars to get us where we need to be. Every year I remember just how truly blessed and lucky I am- despite the madness of the season. I am so grateful Troy always has my back.
I always have to work the week of Christmas because I cover for my best friend this week and she covers for me next week, which is our anniversary. Well, mine and Troy's that is. Not mine and hers. Our is Sept 1. That's a whole different story. Anywho, it has worked out just that simply for the last 10 years, I work this week, she works next week. But, this year is the closest I have ever come to NOT being allowed to take off time for the holidays- my workers were SO far behind- I wasn't sure how they would ever get caught up. But, apparently, if you work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for a month straight- you get pretty close and my time off (and theirs) was approved after all. Thank goodness, I was getting ready to need SICK time as I was pretty sure I was headed to the looney tunes house in short order. My body is pretty close to just totally shutting down on me and refusing to move another inch until I rest. I have promised it that I will do just that as soon as Saturday rolls around. I just need it to hang in there with me for another three days. Please send prayers it actually does!
This week, we are celebrating our very first Christmas without our beloved Buster Brown. We have had him every single Christmas that we have been together as a couple- even before we were married. He was always so much fun on Christmas morning, he would tear into his gifts and grab the toy out from the paper and then run off like a wild dog squeaking it and playing like a pup. Bailee has never been the brightest bulb and she pretty much doesn't understand the whole opening gifts part and besides she is way too lazy to exert much effort to get to the actual gift if it is under some sort of disguise. She will gladly just sit there patiently and wait for you to unwrap it FOR her and hand it to her. I am also sure she would be just as happy to have you squeak it for her and she surely isn't fetching- anything. I am willing to bet that Blake will think the paper is the actual present and he will be running around the house like the paper bandit thinking he is really getting away with something, leaving the toys behind in his dust. Troy is making me take him to the groomer again before the week is up (he is a real stickler about this grooming thing. UMPH) so he will at least be nice and cute while he is running around with wrapping paper on Christmas morning.
I am SUPER excited about Christmas with Burim this year and I cannot wait to see the look on his face on Christmas morning after Santa visits. It is going to ROCK! I feel so privileged that my sister lets us take part in that on Christmas morning- I know a lot of people that don't have others over when their kids open Santa gifts- and I think we are lucky to get to be there and see it first hand.
I am the on call supervisor on Christmas Eve this year, so I have to make it through one additional day more than normal before I can start to enjoy the holiday with my family and 4:01 PM on Christmas Eve just simply cannot get here fast enough. I cannot wait to be off of work and enjoy quality time with Troy. These are the only days he is off of work all year long and we have big plans that involve sleeping in, napping during the day, and playing Super Mario Brothers and Guitar Hero until the wee hours of each morning. We will celebrate our 11th wedding anniversary on the 31st and I guess this is just what old folks do for fun. :-)
Merry Christmas everyone- I hope your holidays are filled with peace, joy, laughter, love and blessings. I love you all.
B
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Hello out there!
Hope everyone had a super duper fantabulous Thanksgiving. I know we sure did! Dinner/lunch went off without a hitch and everything was fabulous. My sister AND Burim ended up being able to come for the meal and my heart melted when Burim told his mother he wasn't ready to go home because he needed to stay at Becca and Uncle Troy's house a little longer to "have Thanksgiving". All together now.....Awwwwwwww! Right? I know! Uh huh! Love that kid. His mom isn't too shabby either. We had an amazing day with our family- such a blessing!
We did our big Black Friday rush- even though we got a late start at 7:30 AM. I still threatened to hurt Troy when he woke me up at THAT time. It took one VENTI peppermint white chocolate mocha (nonfat still of course) to get me back into functioning mode and stop being crabby McCrabster. Despite heading out after the sun went up- every single "deal" we wanted was still there and available. It was like we couldn't go wrong. We even stumbled into Academy Sporting Goods and found a huge clearance section and got Troy work-out shirts (NIKE!) for under $2 a piece. It was insane. I FINALLY got my "Flip" video camera- YAYYYYYYYYYYYYY and I can't wait to start using it. We also got the "door-buster" HP printer at Best Buy and I am in heaven salivating about being able to print again. Wouldn't you know it has been almost a week and I haven't needed to print anything yet though? I think I will just start printing willy nilly just to get my money's worth...even though I did get it for 50% off.
My one TRUE LOVE (kidding....kind of), Bath and Body Works, is where I scored the biggest savings. I accidentally picked up the wrong stack of coupons when we left that morning and I was near hysteria (this is SERIOUS people!) when I walked in and realized it. The manager recognized us (yes, I am aware this is NOT okay) and I blurted out my dilemma. She was all, "No problemo! We got ya covered!" and I almost kissed her but Troy yanked me back and shot me the "stop acting like a psycho" look. Umph. When I got up to the check out line with all of my little separate orders so I could use all of my little coupons the checkout girl said I could just use them all on one order. I was like....ummmm, how is that going to work? They are for 20% off? She said she would just.....wait for it......give me SIXTY PERCENT OFF (20 for each coupon)!!!!! I about FELL OUT. When it was all said and done, I got $925 worth of merchandise (full price) for........(drum roll please).........$126. I was on a deal getting HIGH for the rest of the day. Best shopping day EVER! Of course, all of this shopping was made possible by my super fabulous husband winning the Thanksgiving Day bowling tournament. Even though I was dead on my feet, I stood up and cheered for that news at almost midnight. Yes, I was at home alone in my pajamas. I still did it. Doesn't get much better than an unexpected windfall of cash the night before the biggest shopping day of the year. All of our Christmas shopping is DONE except for two things. That is pure greatness right there.
After we collapsed from shopping, cooking, entertaining, etc., etc., etc, wouldn't you know it....I got sick. Again. Of course. Ugh. So, I extended my Thanksgiving holiday by another two days, sucked down Nyquil and Gatorade, and didn't go back to work until today. All I know is my holiday vacation cannot get here fast enough because today......whew. It was a whipping. I keep trying to remember that new found wisdom from April....remember that? But it seems to be escaping me right about now. I am TRYING to do some things for myself in between saving the world and the universe....like TRYING to keep dieting (I gained three pounds over the last three weeks- YIKES) and enjoying my puppy (he is a whopping 4.4 lbs now) and reading books to relax.
Right now I am reading the Victoria Laurie "Abby Cooper- Psychic Eye" series and I just found out yesterday that the series is based on her OWN life! She is an "actual psychic" and she does some work for the police department. Isn't that cool? She does professional readings for $140 but I don't think I want to spend money to hear more bad news. I'm pretty sure even though I say I want to quit my job, it totally isn't going to happen and I have a really sickening feeling people aren't going to stop abusing their kids anytime soon. Ugh. Anywho, I love these books and I think it is neat they are based on her life!
Well, that's about all that is new and exciting. Except today we ran out of Blake's potty treats- and in case you didn't hear the CNN news bulletin it was SNOWING in DFW today (i.e. I wasn't going ANYWHERE outside) so I had to bust out a new bag of different treats. He did his business (aren't you glad you are still reading) and I whipped out the new treat and acted all excited about it. I gave it to him and he glared at me (he really did), put the treat in his mouth....and wait for it......spit. it. out. Then he went back to glaring at me. Hmmmm. Methinks puppy is a teensey weensey bit spoiled. I am able to write this blog right now because my husband is out at the store. Which store you ask? Yeah. Petsmart. Getting more potty treats- the right ones.
Oh yeah- our espresso maker came via UPS today (of course he knocked on the door RIGHT in the middle of a telephone staffing with my BOSS- knocking on the door=dogs barking like idiots) and I can't wait to put it to use! Does anyone else have one or know how to use it? I am afraid we are espresso idiots! We are just trying to save $$$ on Starbucks and make my heaven in a cup here at the casita. That was ANOTHER good deal- if you haven't checked it out....eBay is doing "deals of the day" every day until 12/8 and they are all free shipping and no tax (unless you live in that state) and are HUGE discounts. This was a brand new espresso maker, regularly priced $400 and that is what they are selling it for at Bed Bath and Beyond and at Amazon, and we got it for $150. Now we just have to figure out how to use it!
Well, since it snowed today, I think I am entitled to a big steaming cup of hot chocolate WITH marshmallows. Actually, I kind of did that yesterday.....but I think because it SNOWED I can do it again today. :-)
Happy Holidays!
B
We did our big Black Friday rush- even though we got a late start at 7:30 AM. I still threatened to hurt Troy when he woke me up at THAT time. It took one VENTI peppermint white chocolate mocha (nonfat still of course) to get me back into functioning mode and stop being crabby McCrabster. Despite heading out after the sun went up- every single "deal" we wanted was still there and available. It was like we couldn't go wrong. We even stumbled into Academy Sporting Goods and found a huge clearance section and got Troy work-out shirts (NIKE!) for under $2 a piece. It was insane. I FINALLY got my "Flip" video camera- YAYYYYYYYYYYYYY and I can't wait to start using it. We also got the "door-buster" HP printer at Best Buy and I am in heaven salivating about being able to print again. Wouldn't you know it has been almost a week and I haven't needed to print anything yet though? I think I will just start printing willy nilly just to get my money's worth...even though I did get it for 50% off.
My one TRUE LOVE (kidding....kind of), Bath and Body Works, is where I scored the biggest savings. I accidentally picked up the wrong stack of coupons when we left that morning and I was near hysteria (this is SERIOUS people!) when I walked in and realized it. The manager recognized us (yes, I am aware this is NOT okay) and I blurted out my dilemma. She was all, "No problemo! We got ya covered!" and I almost kissed her but Troy yanked me back and shot me the "stop acting like a psycho" look. Umph. When I got up to the check out line with all of my little separate orders so I could use all of my little coupons the checkout girl said I could just use them all on one order. I was like....ummmm, how is that going to work? They are for 20% off? She said she would just.....wait for it......give me SIXTY PERCENT OFF (20 for each coupon)!!!!! I about FELL OUT. When it was all said and done, I got $925 worth of merchandise (full price) for........(drum roll please).........$126. I was on a deal getting HIGH for the rest of the day. Best shopping day EVER! Of course, all of this shopping was made possible by my super fabulous husband winning the Thanksgiving Day bowling tournament. Even though I was dead on my feet, I stood up and cheered for that news at almost midnight. Yes, I was at home alone in my pajamas. I still did it. Doesn't get much better than an unexpected windfall of cash the night before the biggest shopping day of the year. All of our Christmas shopping is DONE except for two things. That is pure greatness right there.
After we collapsed from shopping, cooking, entertaining, etc., etc., etc, wouldn't you know it....I got sick. Again. Of course. Ugh. So, I extended my Thanksgiving holiday by another two days, sucked down Nyquil and Gatorade, and didn't go back to work until today. All I know is my holiday vacation cannot get here fast enough because today......whew. It was a whipping. I keep trying to remember that new found wisdom from April....remember that? But it seems to be escaping me right about now. I am TRYING to do some things for myself in between saving the world and the universe....like TRYING to keep dieting (I gained three pounds over the last three weeks- YIKES) and enjoying my puppy (he is a whopping 4.4 lbs now) and reading books to relax.
Right now I am reading the Victoria Laurie "Abby Cooper- Psychic Eye" series and I just found out yesterday that the series is based on her OWN life! She is an "actual psychic" and she does some work for the police department. Isn't that cool? She does professional readings for $140 but I don't think I want to spend money to hear more bad news. I'm pretty sure even though I say I want to quit my job, it totally isn't going to happen and I have a really sickening feeling people aren't going to stop abusing their kids anytime soon. Ugh. Anywho, I love these books and I think it is neat they are based on her life!
Well, that's about all that is new and exciting. Except today we ran out of Blake's potty treats- and in case you didn't hear the CNN news bulletin it was SNOWING in DFW today (i.e. I wasn't going ANYWHERE outside) so I had to bust out a new bag of different treats. He did his business (aren't you glad you are still reading) and I whipped out the new treat and acted all excited about it. I gave it to him and he glared at me (he really did), put the treat in his mouth....and wait for it......spit. it. out. Then he went back to glaring at me. Hmmmm. Methinks puppy is a teensey weensey bit spoiled. I am able to write this blog right now because my husband is out at the store. Which store you ask? Yeah. Petsmart. Getting more potty treats- the right ones.
Oh yeah- our espresso maker came via UPS today (of course he knocked on the door RIGHT in the middle of a telephone staffing with my BOSS- knocking on the door=dogs barking like idiots) and I can't wait to put it to use! Does anyone else have one or know how to use it? I am afraid we are espresso idiots! We are just trying to save $$$ on Starbucks and make my heaven in a cup here at the casita. That was ANOTHER good deal- if you haven't checked it out....eBay is doing "deals of the day" every day until 12/8 and they are all free shipping and no tax (unless you live in that state) and are HUGE discounts. This was a brand new espresso maker, regularly priced $400 and that is what they are selling it for at Bed Bath and Beyond and at Amazon, and we got it for $150. Now we just have to figure out how to use it!
Well, since it snowed today, I think I am entitled to a big steaming cup of hot chocolate WITH marshmallows. Actually, I kind of did that yesterday.....but I think because it SNOWED I can do it again today. :-)
Happy Holidays!
B
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Haha, very funny
Well, those who read my Thanksgiving post and laughed, I guess the joke is on me. Sigh. I won't even pretend that it isn't amusing, because I know it really kind of is. Who really thought I was going to NOT cook for Thanksgiving? Yeah. No one I guess. So, we are no longer going out to eat and I am now in full-fledged manic-mania-crazy mode. Running out of time rapidly but would I really be happy if it wasn't totally last minute madness? Of course not. I apparently (allegedly I should say) thrive on stress and adrenaline. Sooooo, I am making yet another Thanksgiving menu and need to make sure I get my list together soon....like.....now (would be good) and get my rear-end to the store before there is only 2 cans of cranberry and no cans of pumpkin left. I did get my turkey ordered, praise the Lord, and they told me tomorrow was the last day when I placed my order....so I am really glad I fit that into my ridiculous schedule this week instead of waiting till Saturday like Mr. Troy thought would be just fine. People are shocked enough that we aren't having dressing (oh sure, I know that will change by Thursday too, you can stop giggling now) I can't imagine what would have happened when they showed up to a nicely roasted chicken on Thursday. Happy Thanksgiving everyone, I will post my new menu soon so that everyone can giggle some more. HA ha! Very funny! NEXT YEAR we are going out to eat. Umph! Gobble gobble gobble!
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Curious
Did you ever notice that some people have a lot higher opinion of themselves than those around them have of them? Do you call this a) Confidence b) Egotistical or c) Delusional?
Just curious.
Just curious.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Things I am Loving
Right now I am in totally in love with the following things....feel free to enjoy them all on your own too! I highly recommend!
- Blakey (Oh. Wait. I digress. That one doesn't really count. Ahem. I will try and stay focused. It is just so hard because he is so darned cute! See for yourself! This is a picture after he came home from his first trip to the groomer- where he was an absolute angel. As I said the other day, he is my sugar pie, honey bunch, cuddle umpkins....you get the picture. I adore him.)
- Blueberry and Cinnamon Sugar Bagels from Western Alternative Bagel Company (thank you to my sister-in-law for finding these for me!). I LOVE them and they are only 1 pt! I eat the blueberry ones with 1 TBS of ff strawberry cream cheese (.5 of a point) and the cinnamon ones with....wait for it....1 TBS of CHEESECAKE flavored cream cheese (1 pt and worth every drop). Yum yum YUM!
- Turkey Burgers. We had NEVER tried these before this year and we have made them tons of different ways now and loved all of them! Thank you to AFFEI for sharing the first recipe that got us started and convincing me to live just a little bit and try something new. Man, am I ever glad I did!
- Glee. Glee the show. Glee the people. Glee the music. I HEART Glee. If you haven't watched it yet- DO. It will make everything seem right with the world if for only one hour. It is hilarious, fun, silly, and smart. It is the most awesome show I have seen in a long time. I downloaded the CD they released last week and it has been blowing UP my iphone. It is fabulous and you can't help but smile, tap your feet, and sing along while you listen. Don't believe me? Just try it!
- The Mentalist- this show is hilarious. I love it. I need to send Patrick Jane out with my workers!
- Silly books about the paranormal. I have read all of the Stephanie Plum series (the holiday books are filled with paranormal activities), and all of the books ever written by Charlaine Harris. Now, I am reading the "Bewitching" series by Madelyn Alt and "Abby Cooper, Psychic Eye" by Victoria Laurie. I am reading these to give me some sort of an escape from my dreary, sad, and oft painful work life which involves reading about 40 cases a week that detail investigations of child abuse. I needed a diversion and I am finding it again in my old love- READING! I am trying (trying HARD) to make it a daily part of my life again and I am finding so much joy from doing so. Yay!
- Finally, and hold on to your hats- because this one is the chart topper. Cover the kiddos' eyes because it is about to get rated PG-13. You have been warned! Solo. Grande. NON-FAT (that part is important, LOL). PEPPERMINT white chocolate mocha- no whip please- from Starbucks. This drink is....pure bliss. Orgasm in a cup. Heaven on Earth. What I believe must most definitely be served as the beverage of choice on the other side of the pearly gates. It is the most ridiculously amazing thing I have ever tasted in my life (okay Lorren, EXCEPT the chocolate chip cookie dough cheesecake, but they aren't making that anymore so it has been replaced!) and I could drink one every day until I die. Unfortunately, it is only on the menu two or three months out of the year (might actually be a good thing), AND (worse) they are 8 pts a pop which is about how many points I should be having for dinner, and they say you really shouldn't drink your calories. For this, however, I will make an exception. I will eat zero point soup every day for three months just to enjoy this luxury. Ahhh, peppermint white chocolate mocha. I love you. I was in line the very first day this drink came back on the menu at Starbucks and I am pretty sure I have been back every day since. I am hungry as all get out but my taste buds are in pure euphoria. I did order sugar free white mocha and peppermint syrup from Torani online today. I am willing to give it a chance, for the sake of the size of both my bank account and my rear-end. But if it isn't up to snuff, back to the Starbucks line I go!
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Love this kid
Yesterday, I called my mom on her cell phone to discuss my trauma over Troy making Blake go to the groomer for the first time and get some moral support. I was TERRIFIED they were going to.....heck. I don't know what I was so worried about but he is my little baby and I was nervous as all get out!
I found her watching Ice Age 3 with Shannon and Burim at their house. She endured my whining for a few moments before telling me she had to go and would talk to me later. UMPH! I was indignant while I was hanging up when I heard hollering in the background, "Are you still there? Hello?! Rebecca, did you hang up?" and I think she has had a change of heart about wanting to humor me for a few more minutes and I say, "Yes! I am here mom!" The next thing I heard was, "Hi Becca!" in this little bitty voice of pure, unadulterated sweetness and my mom says, "That was all, Burim just wanted to say hi." Then, I hear him tell his grandmother, in the most matter-of-fact and educational tone of voice, "She's my aunt." I busted out laughing and he made my whole entire day. My mom pretended to actually be educated by this information because, well, that's just what grandmas do.
Have a great week everyone. Hope someone brings a brilliant smile to your face over something as simple and pure as this.
Love,
B
I found her watching Ice Age 3 with Shannon and Burim at their house. She endured my whining for a few moments before telling me she had to go and would talk to me later. UMPH! I was indignant while I was hanging up when I heard hollering in the background, "Are you still there? Hello?! Rebecca, did you hang up?" and I think she has had a change of heart about wanting to humor me for a few more minutes and I say, "Yes! I am here mom!" The next thing I heard was, "Hi Becca!" in this little bitty voice of pure, unadulterated sweetness and my mom says, "That was all, Burim just wanted to say hi." Then, I hear him tell his grandmother, in the most matter-of-fact and educational tone of voice, "She's my aunt." I busted out laughing and he made my whole entire day. My mom pretended to actually be educated by this information because, well, that's just what grandmas do.
Have a great week everyone. Hope someone brings a brilliant smile to your face over something as simple and pure as this.
Love,
B
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
A change is gonna do you good
Well, yesterday, I bit the bullet and made a decision. We are going out to eat for Thanksgiving. GASP!
Every year, I host Thanksgiving at my home and I make myself crazy (and spend a ton of $$$) making a humongous meal that is way too much food for any one family (or three or four) to eat. I love it. I have done it two days after being in a car accident that totaled my car and sent me to the ER in an ambulance. I have done it three days after having surgery on my jaw which caused nerve damage and I couldn't feel my face. I have done it two days after my great-grandmother passed away because we "already had the food" and we might as well cook it and eat before we loaded up for the trip home to Illinois. I have done it after working until 3 AM the night before because a case blew up before I could escape the office for the holiday.
Yes, I am a glutton for punishment and most would say I am just a martyr and like the madness. :-) I do think a lot of that is true, but mostly, I love to do it. I like the fact that I can single-handedly (okay my husband might take offense at that part because I do put him to work like I am the Nazi Chef in the Soup Kitchen on Seinfeld barking orders like a lunatic, "Stir that pot! Take that out of the oven! I need the blue pan not the green one!") put on a feast for 5 to 15 people and it tastes great and looks beautiful and everyone enjoys the meal and has a great time. It reminds me of my grandmother and makes me feel close to her every year when I carry out this amazing feat and think about how she did it for 20 years for up to three times the amount of people. I love having everyone at my house and I love thinking about the memories and the traditions that we are making here. I love the feeling of success when I crawl into bed after the last person has left and the last dish is washed and I collapse utterly exhausted and tremendously proud and happy.
This year, my sister is not coming to Thanksgiving with us (SOB!) and my grandmother, who was possibly going to come down, isn't going to be able to make it. My husband's family is doing a separate get-together on Friday following T-Day so they won't be here either. It is just going to be us, my mom, and Troy's mom. For four people, I just couldn't see putting out the spread. I picked up the phone, I called Texas de Brazil, and I made reservations for four. I should have felt a sense of relief....right? No work. No dishes. No hot oven heating up the house. No mess. No back ache from standing on the kitchen floor for 12 hours straight. This should be great....right?
I started thinking after I made the reservations that we were eating awfully early....and wouldn't we be hungry later? What would we eat without any leftovers? Nothing will be open that day! We must have food to eat....otherwise, we would die of starvation! That 11:00 all you can eat steakhouse dinner isn't going to tide you over indefinitely!!!
I know! What if I just prepare a "small" Thanksgiving meal....no big deal....for after the game? Then we could eat a little bitty Thanksgiving dinner that evening after the game and that way no one will die of starvation on our watch. My husband just looked at me and rolled his eyes. "Just do it," he told me. "But, you are ordering the turkey from Popeyes, I am not frying it." Me, smiling from ear to ear....."DEAL!" So, while this year won't be the big feast we normally have....we are still going to have our nice dinner at home and all will be right with the world because I AM just a glutton for punishment. Well, all will be right except Shannon and Burim not being here. I know it is only fair but I am still sad. :-(
Here is my menu:
Every year, I host Thanksgiving at my home and I make myself crazy (and spend a ton of $$$) making a humongous meal that is way too much food for any one family (or three or four) to eat. I love it. I have done it two days after being in a car accident that totaled my car and sent me to the ER in an ambulance. I have done it three days after having surgery on my jaw which caused nerve damage and I couldn't feel my face. I have done it two days after my great-grandmother passed away because we "already had the food" and we might as well cook it and eat before we loaded up for the trip home to Illinois. I have done it after working until 3 AM the night before because a case blew up before I could escape the office for the holiday.
Yes, I am a glutton for punishment and most would say I am just a martyr and like the madness. :-) I do think a lot of that is true, but mostly, I love to do it. I like the fact that I can single-handedly (okay my husband might take offense at that part because I do put him to work like I am the Nazi Chef in the Soup Kitchen on Seinfeld barking orders like a lunatic, "Stir that pot! Take that out of the oven! I need the blue pan not the green one!") put on a feast for 5 to 15 people and it tastes great and looks beautiful and everyone enjoys the meal and has a great time. It reminds me of my grandmother and makes me feel close to her every year when I carry out this amazing feat and think about how she did it for 20 years for up to three times the amount of people. I love having everyone at my house and I love thinking about the memories and the traditions that we are making here. I love the feeling of success when I crawl into bed after the last person has left and the last dish is washed and I collapse utterly exhausted and tremendously proud and happy.
This year, my sister is not coming to Thanksgiving with us (SOB!) and my grandmother, who was possibly going to come down, isn't going to be able to make it. My husband's family is doing a separate get-together on Friday following T-Day so they won't be here either. It is just going to be us, my mom, and Troy's mom. For four people, I just couldn't see putting out the spread. I picked up the phone, I called Texas de Brazil, and I made reservations for four. I should have felt a sense of relief....right? No work. No dishes. No hot oven heating up the house. No mess. No back ache from standing on the kitchen floor for 12 hours straight. This should be great....right?
I started thinking after I made the reservations that we were eating awfully early....and wouldn't we be hungry later? What would we eat without any leftovers? Nothing will be open that day! We must have food to eat....otherwise, we would die of starvation! That 11:00 all you can eat steakhouse dinner isn't going to tide you over indefinitely!!!
I know! What if I just prepare a "small" Thanksgiving meal....no big deal....for after the game? Then we could eat a little bitty Thanksgiving dinner that evening after the game and that way no one will die of starvation on our watch. My husband just looked at me and rolled his eyes. "Just do it," he told me. "But, you are ordering the turkey from Popeyes, I am not frying it." Me, smiling from ear to ear....."DEAL!" So, while this year won't be the big feast we normally have....we are still going to have our nice dinner at home and all will be right with the world because I AM just a glutton for punishment. Well, all will be right except Shannon and Burim not being here. I know it is only fair but I am still sad. :-(
Here is my menu:
Main Meal
Fried Turkey (4.5 pts for 3 ounces)
Mashed Potatoes (2 pts)
Broccoli Rice Casserole (4 pts)
Sweet Potato Casserole (4 pts)
Cranberries (2 pts)
Deviled Eggs (2pts for 1 egg)
Desserts
Pumpkin Pie Smash (1 pt)
Bread Pudding (8 pts)
Banana Pudding (5 pts)
Pumpkin Pie Flan (4 pts)
Appetizers
Jalapeno Poppers
Crab and Shrimp Stuffed Mushrooms
Fruit and Vegetable Tray
Chips and Dips
Fried Turkey (4.5 pts for 3 ounces)
Mashed Potatoes (2 pts)
Broccoli Rice Casserole (4 pts)
Sweet Potato Casserole (4 pts)
Cranberries (2 pts)
Deviled Eggs (2pts for 1 egg)
Desserts
Pumpkin Pie Smash (1 pt)
Bread Pudding (8 pts)
Banana Pudding (5 pts)
Pumpkin Pie Flan (4 pts)
Appetizers
Jalapeno Poppers
Crab and Shrimp Stuffed Mushrooms
Fruit and Vegetable Tray
Chips and Dips
******
I hope our meal at Texas de Brazil is lovely, I hope our meal at home turns out fabulously (I have never made a couple of the things on this menu and I am praying for them to all turn out for the big day!) and I hope we are all happy, healthy, and hopeful when we celebrate our blessings this year on our official day of Gratitude.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Happy Halloween!
Yesterday was the greatest Halloween on record that I can remember as an adult. When we first got married, we always got so excited for Halloween and would buy tons of candy and wait for the little kiddos to come ring the doorbell and most of the time it happened a grand total of once or twice per night, so we gave up on Halloween about 5 or 6 years ago and started hiding in the dark with the porch light off praying no one would ring the doorbell and send our anti-social dogs into a psychotic barking frenzy.
This year, we had plans to meet my sister and go to a few houses for trick or treating with Burim, who is almost 4 years old now, and I had the bright idea that I would dress Blake the puppy up and trot him along with us. He has only walked on his harness a couple of times and both of those times occurred INSIDE the house. He hasn't been able to go outside at all until recently since he just got his second set of shots. But we still thought it would be cute and fun, so that was the plan.
I had wanted Blakers to be a cute pumpkin for his costume, but by the time we trekked to Petsmart, Petco, and Wal-Mart on Saturday morning, they were about cleaned out and we were advised that the XXS sizes sell out the most quickly and we shouldn't really wait till the last day. Thanks for the hot tip! Very helpful info at this juncture. Oh well, we found a Vampire cape on 75% off and so we packed it up for a grand total of $3 and that was to be the costume. I started panicking about how cold it was going to be so we switched costumes on our way out the door into a sweatshirt with metal studs on it that is appropriately labeled "stud muffin". Well, that was my first mistake of the night.
We load up and head to my sister's and she and Burim are waiting outside for us. I can hear him yelling, "They are here! They are here!" and boy howdy how my whole heart just melts. I can remember us talking when he was younger about how we couldn't wait for that time when he would get so excited and come running when we got there, just like I used to do with my grandparents. He is beside himself with his excitement over Blake being there as well. Apparently, he was living out some kind of dream because he told his mother earlier in the night, "But mommy, you said we would never, ever, ever, ever, have a dog inside our house!" Out of the mouth of babes. We start unpacking the car and Shannon tells Burim, "Burim, do you remember what costume Blake is going to wear tonight?" and he excitedly replies, "Yeah! A Dracula!!!" Mommy looks at me when I start shaking my head and reply, "Well.... not anymore, we changed costumes." Burim says, "What is he going to be now Becca?!?!" and I realize my error and start trying to think how I am going to explain to him that Blake is no longer going dressed as a vampire but instead as a "stud muffin"....whoops.
The following are some highlights of our wonderful evening that was filled with laughter, fun, chaos, and a headache. The headache was worth it though. So worth it!
-Burim takes me with him to the potty and instead of trying to help him get his clothes back on, I start telling him, no, time to take your clothes OFF and put your costume ON. He looks at me crazy and says, "Becca. The costume goes OVER your clothes." There was SUCH righteous indignation in his voice. Adults. Idiots.
-Burim getting frustrated with not being able to get something open. Mommy to Burim, "What should we do when we need help with something?" (in her most patient and elementary teacher like voice) and Burim walks over, leans his head on her shoulder and says, "Can you help me please Mommy?" Unfortunately for her, she was the only one that couldn't see him rolling his eyes at her. Of course, being the aunt and uncle, we had no problem ruining the delusion for her because his sarcasm was quite amusing to us. :-)
-Burim walks up to Blake and yells BOOOOOO. I say, "Burim, quit screaming at Blake, he is a baby." He informs me he is not yelling at him, he is playing a game with him, and it is called "Scare Tag". I say we are not going to play that game with Blake. Burim throws his hands up in the air and informs me, "BUT! BUT! That's the only game I have!" Poor kid.
-Going out for trick or treating and this is Blake's first time to walk on the leash/harness outside. Yeah. That lasted about hmmmmm, less than 5 seconds? He just stood in one spot and didn't move. So, the rest of the night consisted of me carrying my stud muffin around the neighborhood. He is just a TAD spoiled perhaps? I guess there will always be another opportunity for a "first" walk outside....time will tell.
-Burim tells one of the neighbor's who gives him candy (after he has asked her what her dog's name is and told the dog hello and a gamut of other questions she politely answered for him)....."Today. Is Halloween." He said this with all seriousness in quite the profound and matter of fact tone of voice. She was very sweet and said "Oh! Thank you for telling me!" LOL
-Burim again to a very nice older gentleman who asks him which race car driver he was..."No! I am on the Pit Crew!!!!" He knows his Nascar!
-We got a late start and Shannon's neighborhood isn't the greatest for trick or treating as it is and poor Burim was having a hard time getting people to come to the door. We had gone up and down the street already and told him we were going to go to "one more house". As we approached that last part of the street, the porch light went off. We looked at each other in horror and Troy sees another house up further that has their light on too. We tell Burim that THIS would be the last house instead. Ring the doorbell, no answer. Boo. We go walking back down the sidewalk and all of the sudden this perfect little trick or treater who has politely told each person "trick or treat" and "please and thank you" yells out loud, "I want SOMEBODY to GIVE ME SOME TRICK OR TREAT CANDY!" We couldn't help but crack up.
-Burim spent much of his night trying to convince me that we needed to give Blake water to drink or dog food to eat or even wanting to split his candy haul with him so that he could "share". I kept reminding him all night that he couldn't touch his dishes and that only Aunt Becca or Uncle Troy could give Blake anything to eat or drink. The thing about Burim is that he is so smart, sometimes you can see the wheels actually turning in his head and something you think he has long forgotten about, he has just spent his time formulating a new plan. All of a sudden, long after the trick or treating had ended, Burim comes up to me holding the cap to my water and the cap to Troy's water. They are both filled up with water from the sink. He holds out the two tiny caps and announces, "This is water for Blake to drink. It's not that much, but he was getting thirsty you know?" He was so thrilled that we actually let him give Blake the water to drink and his little giggle was enough to make up for his sneakiness. :-)
-Now, the night took a drastic turn for the worse and the much less cute when we all decided we would load up and head to the nearest Dairy Queen, which is like 15 miles away. Burim was HYPER by this point loaded up on candy and Halloween excitement, Blake was exhausted and he does NOT ride in the car well, and the adults were about over the holiday cheer. Burim proceeds to kick my seat over and over and over again. I finally turned around and told him if he didn't stop kicking my seat, Uncle Troy was pulling the car over and he wasn't going to like what happened next. He stops kicking my seat and proceeds to scream bloody murder (remember I mentioned the HEADACHE? Between his screaming, his mother's redirection, and my dog squealing like a piglet, I was a walking commercial for "Excedrine- the headache medicine") at the top of his lungs. His mother then says to him, "Burim Shabanaj, if you do not behave, Uncle Troy is stopping this car and he is going to SPANK YOU!" Everything got silent as a mouse. I leaned over to Troy and said, "Are you prepared to spank him?" He glares at me and says, "NO! What is WRONG with you two?!" I have to think that at this point his craving for a pumpkin pie blizzard must have really been feeling like a HUGE mistake. :-) Everyone settled down nicely when we got our goodies though and things went well until I heard Burim say, "Uh oh. We have an ice cream EMERGENCY!" (Why were we in MY car again?!)
Hope your Halloween was at least as great if not better and that you had at least half the amusement we had. I am sure there was even more exciting and amusing stuff that went on...but you know how I don't like to brag. Umph!
Happy Fall Y'all!
B
This year, we had plans to meet my sister and go to a few houses for trick or treating with Burim, who is almost 4 years old now, and I had the bright idea that I would dress Blake the puppy up and trot him along with us. He has only walked on his harness a couple of times and both of those times occurred INSIDE the house. He hasn't been able to go outside at all until recently since he just got his second set of shots. But we still thought it would be cute and fun, so that was the plan.
I had wanted Blakers to be a cute pumpkin for his costume, but by the time we trekked to Petsmart, Petco, and Wal-Mart on Saturday morning, they were about cleaned out and we were advised that the XXS sizes sell out the most quickly and we shouldn't really wait till the last day. Thanks for the hot tip! Very helpful info at this juncture. Oh well, we found a Vampire cape on 75% off and so we packed it up for a grand total of $3 and that was to be the costume. I started panicking about how cold it was going to be so we switched costumes on our way out the door into a sweatshirt with metal studs on it that is appropriately labeled "stud muffin". Well, that was my first mistake of the night.
We load up and head to my sister's and she and Burim are waiting outside for us. I can hear him yelling, "They are here! They are here!" and boy howdy how my whole heart just melts. I can remember us talking when he was younger about how we couldn't wait for that time when he would get so excited and come running when we got there, just like I used to do with my grandparents. He is beside himself with his excitement over Blake being there as well. Apparently, he was living out some kind of dream because he told his mother earlier in the night, "But mommy, you said we would never, ever, ever, ever, have a dog inside our house!" Out of the mouth of babes. We start unpacking the car and Shannon tells Burim, "Burim, do you remember what costume Blake is going to wear tonight?" and he excitedly replies, "Yeah! A Dracula!!!" Mommy looks at me when I start shaking my head and reply, "Well.... not anymore, we changed costumes." Burim says, "What is he going to be now Becca?!?!" and I realize my error and start trying to think how I am going to explain to him that Blake is no longer going dressed as a vampire but instead as a "stud muffin"....whoops.
The following are some highlights of our wonderful evening that was filled with laughter, fun, chaos, and a headache. The headache was worth it though. So worth it!
-Burim takes me with him to the potty and instead of trying to help him get his clothes back on, I start telling him, no, time to take your clothes OFF and put your costume ON. He looks at me crazy and says, "Becca. The costume goes OVER your clothes." There was SUCH righteous indignation in his voice. Adults. Idiots.
-Burim getting frustrated with not being able to get something open. Mommy to Burim, "What should we do when we need help with something?" (in her most patient and elementary teacher like voice) and Burim walks over, leans his head on her shoulder and says, "Can you help me please Mommy?" Unfortunately for her, she was the only one that couldn't see him rolling his eyes at her. Of course, being the aunt and uncle, we had no problem ruining the delusion for her because his sarcasm was quite amusing to us. :-)
-Burim walks up to Blake and yells BOOOOOO. I say, "Burim, quit screaming at Blake, he is a baby." He informs me he is not yelling at him, he is playing a game with him, and it is called "Scare Tag". I say we are not going to play that game with Blake. Burim throws his hands up in the air and informs me, "BUT! BUT! That's the only game I have!" Poor kid.
-Going out for trick or treating and this is Blake's first time to walk on the leash/harness outside. Yeah. That lasted about hmmmmm, less than 5 seconds? He just stood in one spot and didn't move. So, the rest of the night consisted of me carrying my stud muffin around the neighborhood. He is just a TAD spoiled perhaps? I guess there will always be another opportunity for a "first" walk outside....time will tell.
-Burim tells one of the neighbor's who gives him candy (after he has asked her what her dog's name is and told the dog hello and a gamut of other questions she politely answered for him)....."Today. Is Halloween." He said this with all seriousness in quite the profound and matter of fact tone of voice. She was very sweet and said "Oh! Thank you for telling me!" LOL
-Burim again to a very nice older gentleman who asks him which race car driver he was..."No! I am on the Pit Crew!!!!" He knows his Nascar!
-We got a late start and Shannon's neighborhood isn't the greatest for trick or treating as it is and poor Burim was having a hard time getting people to come to the door. We had gone up and down the street already and told him we were going to go to "one more house". As we approached that last part of the street, the porch light went off. We looked at each other in horror and Troy sees another house up further that has their light on too. We tell Burim that THIS would be the last house instead. Ring the doorbell, no answer. Boo. We go walking back down the sidewalk and all of the sudden this perfect little trick or treater who has politely told each person "trick or treat" and "please and thank you" yells out loud, "I want SOMEBODY to GIVE ME SOME TRICK OR TREAT CANDY!" We couldn't help but crack up.
-Burim spent much of his night trying to convince me that we needed to give Blake water to drink or dog food to eat or even wanting to split his candy haul with him so that he could "share". I kept reminding him all night that he couldn't touch his dishes and that only Aunt Becca or Uncle Troy could give Blake anything to eat or drink. The thing about Burim is that he is so smart, sometimes you can see the wheels actually turning in his head and something you think he has long forgotten about, he has just spent his time formulating a new plan. All of a sudden, long after the trick or treating had ended, Burim comes up to me holding the cap to my water and the cap to Troy's water. They are both filled up with water from the sink. He holds out the two tiny caps and announces, "This is water for Blake to drink. It's not that much, but he was getting thirsty you know?" He was so thrilled that we actually let him give Blake the water to drink and his little giggle was enough to make up for his sneakiness. :-)
-Now, the night took a drastic turn for the worse and the much less cute when we all decided we would load up and head to the nearest Dairy Queen, which is like 15 miles away. Burim was HYPER by this point loaded up on candy and Halloween excitement, Blake was exhausted and he does NOT ride in the car well, and the adults were about over the holiday cheer. Burim proceeds to kick my seat over and over and over again. I finally turned around and told him if he didn't stop kicking my seat, Uncle Troy was pulling the car over and he wasn't going to like what happened next. He stops kicking my seat and proceeds to scream bloody murder (remember I mentioned the HEADACHE? Between his screaming, his mother's redirection, and my dog squealing like a piglet, I was a walking commercial for "Excedrine- the headache medicine") at the top of his lungs. His mother then says to him, "Burim Shabanaj, if you do not behave, Uncle Troy is stopping this car and he is going to SPANK YOU!" Everything got silent as a mouse. I leaned over to Troy and said, "Are you prepared to spank him?" He glares at me and says, "NO! What is WRONG with you two?!" I have to think that at this point his craving for a pumpkin pie blizzard must have really been feeling like a HUGE mistake. :-) Everyone settled down nicely when we got our goodies though and things went well until I heard Burim say, "Uh oh. We have an ice cream EMERGENCY!" (Why were we in MY car again?!)
Hope your Halloween was at least as great if not better and that you had at least half the amusement we had. I am sure there was even more exciting and amusing stuff that went on...but you know how I don't like to brag. Umph!
Happy Fall Y'all!
B
Friday, October 30, 2009
Tap dancing in my too big shoes....
Time to get excited people! It's DST! I literally cannot WAIT to stay up till 2 AM on Saturday/Sunday just so I can enjoy turning back the clock and getting the great pleasure out of seeing the new time. Things I am going to do with my extra hour of time this week?
Sleep
Read
Sleep
Read
Sleep
Eat something
Read
Sleep
Okay, I realize that all of that won't fit into one hour. But I plan to make the most of it!
Yippeeeeee!
Happy DST to everyone!
Sleep
Read
Sleep
Read
Sleep
Eat something
Read
Sleep
Okay, I realize that all of that won't fit into one hour. But I plan to make the most of it!
Yippeeeeee!
Happy DST to everyone!
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Big shoes
Today, as I was getting ready for my day, I selected a pair of shoes that I thought were going to be super duper cute with my new outfit. Well, not new exactly, but I just took the price tags off and the pants were the smallest size I have been in 3 years....so they were new to me. Anyway, I digress. The shoes were too big! I took them off and looked at them to see if I could find some explanation for this...the shoes are almost brand new! I bought them at a great sale not too long ago. I tried them on again. Nope, they are too big. I got another pair off of my shoe rack and decided that I would have to go with those, even though they weren't as cute, because I was running short on time. Too big. What in the world? I stared at my feet in confusion. It finally dawned on me that all of the shoes I had been buying in the last year don't fit anymore because I have apparently even lost weight in my FEET. I had to go grab a pair of OLD SHOES that are my normal size. My feet grew half a size when I gained so much weight! You can stop laughing now...this is a true story. As I stood there in shock looking at these shoes swimming on my feet, I thought that this was quite possibly a metaphor for my life right now.
Sometimes, I feel like maybe my own shoes are too big for my feet....even without the weight loss. Sometimes, I wonder whose shoes I am really standing in when I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. Is this my life? Who is this person in the mirror? When did I take on so much responsibility? Decide that I was the right person to make life and death decisions about children's lives? About whether families stay together or apart? That I was the right person to teach new workers about how to determine if children are safe? If a case can be closed? Who is this Rebecca? She is not anyone I would have recognized 10 years ago.
All of this was precipitated today by a huge assignment from my boss. I idolize her, adore her, have more respect for her than almost any one I know. I have worked for her for a very long time- by choice. When I got the assignment, I literally felt the weight of the world crushing down on my shoulders, felt my chest tightening with fear. I didn't want to let her down...but I couldn't see how I was POSSIBLY going to accomplish what she was asking me to do. I could hardly sleep at all last night worrying about this and was up with Troy at 5 AM worrying about it some more. "Just do the best you can Rebecca," he told me. I told him but this was impossible, I don't think I can do it. He told me she wouldn't have given it to me if she didn't think I could. I said, "That's just the problem, they think I can do ANYTHING." He looked at me with seriousness and said, "That's because you can. You can do anything you want to, you always have been able to. It's your gift." I felt the weight coming down harder....because I know this is how he feels about me...and I was just adding him to the list of the people I was going to let down.
I called my best friend, who is my co-supervisor, and shared the "good" news about my new assignment. I told her I was FREAKING OUT. She told me, "You can do it! You are SUPER CHICK!". We call my unit "Dix's Chix" and have a bulletin board with the cutest little chicks for each worker....and so she decided about two weeks ago that my nick-name would be "Super Chick" because of my "super powers". I just shook my head and laughed when she came up with that then. Today, it was making me ill.
I hung up the phone with her and posted a status on facebook that read, "Whatever doesn't kill me will make me stronger....". One of my workers immediately jumped online and wrote, "I just call you SHE-Man". Another one of my ex-employees followed up with, "I just call you a badass". These workers have so much respect for me, they trust me so much....they think I can move mountains. I wonder sometimes (often times)....do I deserve this? What if I am not worthy....what if I am not this person who they idolize and look up to? What if these shoes are too big for me to fill? Don't get me wrong, I have worked HARD to get where I am at my job. But sometimes I just wonder who this person is that has this reputation of being...invincible.
As I stared down at my old shoes I had to dust off this morning, I took a deep breath and told myself I can only take it one step at a time. One case at a time, one day at a time, maybe even one hour at a time. Sometimes, I over-think situations (okay, most of you can stop laughing now, I over-think MOST situations...) and try to plan things out so far in advance that the sheer thought process associated with these tasks can be over-whelming and crippling. I was already worrying not about how I was going to get through this week but how I was going to get everything done for next week as well, never mind just getting through today. Whenever I break it down to just take it one step at a time, it is liberating and I can start to feel like I can breathe again. I opened my calendar and added the one meeting I needed to have to start the process for tomorrow morning. There, it's on there. I am moving in the right direction. I was starting to feel a little bit better.
When I was on my way out the door, I went to grab my keys and looked up at the sign we have hanging in the kitchen, "Prayer: When life gets too hard to stand.....kneel". And I suddenly remembered, why am I trying to do this by myself? Why am I putting the pressure of the world on my shoulders alone? I wasn't designed for that....I am only hurting myself by forgetting to ask for help. By forgetting that God will not put more on me than I can carry. For forgetting that I am never in this alone and that I don't carry this burden unassisted. By forgetting that I always have somewhere to turn when I am facing the impossible.
So, after I got done venting to my boss (thank goodness she knows me well enough after all these years to just let me get it out without judgment), I prayed. I prayed for guidance, for strength, for courage, for vision and for hope. I thanked God for blessing me with this gift to be able to give back so much sometimes it hurts. For blessing me with my abilities and for the gift of compassion. For blessing me with workers who respect, trust, and look up to me and for a boss who trusts and values me and entrusts me with her most important tasks. For a boss who cares enough about me as a person to let me rant and rave when I need to in order to get it out of my system. Thanked God for a husband who has stood by me and supported me through almost 11 years of service with this agency and has more faith in me than I could ever have in myself. I thanked God for the privilege I have to serve him and to serve my community. For the opportunity to make a difference in the lives of children, families, and the employees I work with.
Does the road ahead still look scary? Bleak? Difficult? Challenging? Yes, it is all of those things. But it is not hopeless. I have some big shoes to fill. It is a good thing I don't have to stand in them alone (and a good thing I had some smaller ones handy in the closet). God has given me this gift and I know he is going to help me use it. I just have to put one too-big shoe in front of the other.
Sometimes, I feel like maybe my own shoes are too big for my feet....even without the weight loss. Sometimes, I wonder whose shoes I am really standing in when I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. Is this my life? Who is this person in the mirror? When did I take on so much responsibility? Decide that I was the right person to make life and death decisions about children's lives? About whether families stay together or apart? That I was the right person to teach new workers about how to determine if children are safe? If a case can be closed? Who is this Rebecca? She is not anyone I would have recognized 10 years ago.
All of this was precipitated today by a huge assignment from my boss. I idolize her, adore her, have more respect for her than almost any one I know. I have worked for her for a very long time- by choice. When I got the assignment, I literally felt the weight of the world crushing down on my shoulders, felt my chest tightening with fear. I didn't want to let her down...but I couldn't see how I was POSSIBLY going to accomplish what she was asking me to do. I could hardly sleep at all last night worrying about this and was up with Troy at 5 AM worrying about it some more. "Just do the best you can Rebecca," he told me. I told him but this was impossible, I don't think I can do it. He told me she wouldn't have given it to me if she didn't think I could. I said, "That's just the problem, they think I can do ANYTHING." He looked at me with seriousness and said, "That's because you can. You can do anything you want to, you always have been able to. It's your gift." I felt the weight coming down harder....because I know this is how he feels about me...and I was just adding him to the list of the people I was going to let down.
I called my best friend, who is my co-supervisor, and shared the "good" news about my new assignment. I told her I was FREAKING OUT. She told me, "You can do it! You are SUPER CHICK!". We call my unit "Dix's Chix" and have a bulletin board with the cutest little chicks for each worker....and so she decided about two weeks ago that my nick-name would be "Super Chick" because of my "super powers". I just shook my head and laughed when she came up with that then. Today, it was making me ill.
I hung up the phone with her and posted a status on facebook that read, "Whatever doesn't kill me will make me stronger....". One of my workers immediately jumped online and wrote, "I just call you SHE-Man". Another one of my ex-employees followed up with, "I just call you a badass". These workers have so much respect for me, they trust me so much....they think I can move mountains. I wonder sometimes (often times)....do I deserve this? What if I am not worthy....what if I am not this person who they idolize and look up to? What if these shoes are too big for me to fill? Don't get me wrong, I have worked HARD to get where I am at my job. But sometimes I just wonder who this person is that has this reputation of being...invincible.
As I stared down at my old shoes I had to dust off this morning, I took a deep breath and told myself I can only take it one step at a time. One case at a time, one day at a time, maybe even one hour at a time. Sometimes, I over-think situations (okay, most of you can stop laughing now, I over-think MOST situations...) and try to plan things out so far in advance that the sheer thought process associated with these tasks can be over-whelming and crippling. I was already worrying not about how I was going to get through this week but how I was going to get everything done for next week as well, never mind just getting through today. Whenever I break it down to just take it one step at a time, it is liberating and I can start to feel like I can breathe again. I opened my calendar and added the one meeting I needed to have to start the process for tomorrow morning. There, it's on there. I am moving in the right direction. I was starting to feel a little bit better.
When I was on my way out the door, I went to grab my keys and looked up at the sign we have hanging in the kitchen, "Prayer: When life gets too hard to stand.....kneel". And I suddenly remembered, why am I trying to do this by myself? Why am I putting the pressure of the world on my shoulders alone? I wasn't designed for that....I am only hurting myself by forgetting to ask for help. By forgetting that God will not put more on me than I can carry. For forgetting that I am never in this alone and that I don't carry this burden unassisted. By forgetting that I always have somewhere to turn when I am facing the impossible.
So, after I got done venting to my boss (thank goodness she knows me well enough after all these years to just let me get it out without judgment), I prayed. I prayed for guidance, for strength, for courage, for vision and for hope. I thanked God for blessing me with this gift to be able to give back so much sometimes it hurts. For blessing me with my abilities and for the gift of compassion. For blessing me with workers who respect, trust, and look up to me and for a boss who trusts and values me and entrusts me with her most important tasks. For a boss who cares enough about me as a person to let me rant and rave when I need to in order to get it out of my system. Thanked God for a husband who has stood by me and supported me through almost 11 years of service with this agency and has more faith in me than I could ever have in myself. I thanked God for the privilege I have to serve him and to serve my community. For the opportunity to make a difference in the lives of children, families, and the employees I work with.
Does the road ahead still look scary? Bleak? Difficult? Challenging? Yes, it is all of those things. But it is not hopeless. I have some big shoes to fill. It is a good thing I don't have to stand in them alone (and a good thing I had some smaller ones handy in the closet). God has given me this gift and I know he is going to help me use it. I just have to put one too-big shoe in front of the other.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
And the greatest of these....is Love.
So, I have had a TON of feedback about my blog regarding mean people....and not so much about the mean people I spoke of but more about the thoughts regarding mean people who shout from the rooftops about how "Christian" they are. Some people have agreed with what I said in the blog post, some have been upset by it, and some have reminded me of something that is very, very, very important.
As Christians, we are sinners. We are forgiven, but as humans, we sin. Alexander Pope said, "to err is human, to forgive is divine." I don't expect Christians to be perfect. I am not upset with people for not being perfect. I think, by definition, we are most definitely NOT perfect. That is why we must be forgiven and we must never forget to ask for that forgiveness...because we are children of God living on His Earth and making human and earthly mistakes each and every day.
Someone reminded me that every time I say a not-so-nice thing about someone else, I am sinning. Every time I gossip, behind someone's back, I am sinning. Every time I say a bad word, I am sinning again. They went on to remind me that despite these sins, Christianity is NOT about being perfect and that I am forgiven.
One of my sister's friends wrote me (I am waiting for permission to share her complete thoughts here, because I found them to be quite profound and speak to my heart) and I was most struck by her thought regarding where some people have turned as Christians is into a "holier than thou" state where they feel it is appropriate to pass judgement and elevate themselves into another status, a higher status, than others. Elevating themselves above others and deciding rules for them, based on their "status" of Christianity.
That, I believe, is what I was trying (possibly failed) to speak to in my previous blog entry. I am imperfect, Lord knows, I am so imperfect in so many ways. I ask for forgiveness regularly and know that I am loved with an unconditional love and that I am blessed and I am saved because I have taken Jesus into my heart. I am constantly under His watchful protection, His grace, and mercy.
What has me so bothered is those persons who use their faith and their professed Christianity to hurt others. When you say to someone else, in a snide tone of voice, "I am going to pray for you", implying that you are lesser than them, implying that you need their intervention from their faith as yours must be lacking, implying that their faith, that their devotion, that their character, that their state of being "Christian" is superior to yours, implying that this is so because they believe that they are on the "right side" of an argument and since you are on the "wrong side" your faith is not as just, not as pure, not as holy....it feels wrong to me. Feels wrong in so many ways.
When people use their faith as an excuse to abuse their children....it feels wrong to me. Every day, myself or my workers, are quoted to from the Bible by people who have hurt their children. Have beaten their children. Have had sex with their children. People who believe that "spare the rod, spoil the child" means that you are to hit your children to instill good behavior (I won't even stir the hornet's nest here to indicate that is NOT what is implied by that proverb and it isn't even a direct quote from the bible but rather a compilation of ideas from scripture....I will save that for another time) and good character in your children or you are derelict in your faith and in your parenting.
When people who constantly degrade others, pass judgement on others, speak ill of others, instigate arguments with others, find ways to be as non-helpful to others as possible, hurt others and use hurtful language and hurtful tones of voice to others, get pleasure out of proving others wrong, making them look foolish, and calling attention to their mistakes....and then profess that they are "Christian" so these things aren't possible or couldn't be true about themselves....I am left to wonder if they DO remember that being Christian does mean being imperfect, being a sinner, and asking for forgiveness. If they remember that they are not perfect because they are separated from God by their sin. I am left to question whether they truly believe it to be true that because they are Christian, or they believe they are "more Christian" than someone else, they can never be wrong...never hurt someone with their words...with their actions or lack thereof.
Christianity is not a status of perfection. It is not a status of good moral character. It is not a status that makes you better than me, or me better than my neighbor or my neighbor better than his friend. It is not a tool that should be used as a weapon. It is not any of these things. As another person wrote to tell me....as Christians, we are still sinners, we are simply forgiven sinners.
Corinthians 1:13:1
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing........And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
My prayer is for us to stop the clanging of the cymbals. Stop the ringing of the gong. Remember our imperfect nature, remember that the greatest of these is love, and remember that sin separates you from God, and His son died so that we can be forgiven for those sins and our ultimate act of Christianity on Earth is to live our lives in a way to make us worthy of His love.
Much love,
R
As Christians, we are sinners. We are forgiven, but as humans, we sin. Alexander Pope said, "to err is human, to forgive is divine." I don't expect Christians to be perfect. I am not upset with people for not being perfect. I think, by definition, we are most definitely NOT perfect. That is why we must be forgiven and we must never forget to ask for that forgiveness...because we are children of God living on His Earth and making human and earthly mistakes each and every day.
Someone reminded me that every time I say a not-so-nice thing about someone else, I am sinning. Every time I gossip, behind someone's back, I am sinning. Every time I say a bad word, I am sinning again. They went on to remind me that despite these sins, Christianity is NOT about being perfect and that I am forgiven.
One of my sister's friends wrote me (I am waiting for permission to share her complete thoughts here, because I found them to be quite profound and speak to my heart) and I was most struck by her thought regarding where some people have turned as Christians is into a "holier than thou" state where they feel it is appropriate to pass judgement and elevate themselves into another status, a higher status, than others. Elevating themselves above others and deciding rules for them, based on their "status" of Christianity.
That, I believe, is what I was trying (possibly failed) to speak to in my previous blog entry. I am imperfect, Lord knows, I am so imperfect in so many ways. I ask for forgiveness regularly and know that I am loved with an unconditional love and that I am blessed and I am saved because I have taken Jesus into my heart. I am constantly under His watchful protection, His grace, and mercy.
What has me so bothered is those persons who use their faith and their professed Christianity to hurt others. When you say to someone else, in a snide tone of voice, "I am going to pray for you", implying that you are lesser than them, implying that you need their intervention from their faith as yours must be lacking, implying that their faith, that their devotion, that their character, that their state of being "Christian" is superior to yours, implying that this is so because they believe that they are on the "right side" of an argument and since you are on the "wrong side" your faith is not as just, not as pure, not as holy....it feels wrong to me. Feels wrong in so many ways.
When people use their faith as an excuse to abuse their children....it feels wrong to me. Every day, myself or my workers, are quoted to from the Bible by people who have hurt their children. Have beaten their children. Have had sex with their children. People who believe that "spare the rod, spoil the child" means that you are to hit your children to instill good behavior (I won't even stir the hornet's nest here to indicate that is NOT what is implied by that proverb and it isn't even a direct quote from the bible but rather a compilation of ideas from scripture....I will save that for another time) and good character in your children or you are derelict in your faith and in your parenting.
When people who constantly degrade others, pass judgement on others, speak ill of others, instigate arguments with others, find ways to be as non-helpful to others as possible, hurt others and use hurtful language and hurtful tones of voice to others, get pleasure out of proving others wrong, making them look foolish, and calling attention to their mistakes....and then profess that they are "Christian" so these things aren't possible or couldn't be true about themselves....I am left to wonder if they DO remember that being Christian does mean being imperfect, being a sinner, and asking for forgiveness. If they remember that they are not perfect because they are separated from God by their sin. I am left to question whether they truly believe it to be true that because they are Christian, or they believe they are "more Christian" than someone else, they can never be wrong...never hurt someone with their words...with their actions or lack thereof.
Christianity is not a status of perfection. It is not a status of good moral character. It is not a status that makes you better than me, or me better than my neighbor or my neighbor better than his friend. It is not a tool that should be used as a weapon. It is not any of these things. As another person wrote to tell me....as Christians, we are still sinners, we are simply forgiven sinners.
Corinthians 1:13:1
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing........And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
My prayer is for us to stop the clanging of the cymbals. Stop the ringing of the gong. Remember our imperfect nature, remember that the greatest of these is love, and remember that sin separates you from God, and His son died so that we can be forgiven for those sins and our ultimate act of Christianity on Earth is to live our lives in a way to make us worthy of His love.
Much love,
R
Friday, October 23, 2009
Hungry
For some reason, I am craving the most bizarre things to eat. Thing I didn't even eat on a regular basis PRE-weight watchers. I feel, for some reason, perpetually hungry. I don't know if it is because I have been sick? Or if it is because I ate all of that junk at the fair? Oh. What's that? I was sick AGAIN, you ask? Yep, I thought about starting to take a vitamin though. :-) Or, if maybe my stress level is at such a level again it is causing these cravings? I don't know, but I need to figure it out and quickly....because this list is out of control!
I am craving the following random things:
Cheesecake. Okay, that one isn't random. Anyone who has known me since about 10th grade knows that about me. But I still want it. Bad.
Long John Silvers fish. Why? No idea.
Pizza from Disney World. Yep. That's right. Disney World.
Taco platter from Taco Cabana. Now, let me be honest. That one, I DID eat on a regular basis before WW. At least twice a month so I can kind of explain that one.
Root Beer. I know it isn't food. But I am craving it all the same.
Large Cherry Coke from Sonic. Same as above.
Texas Sheet Cake. I saw the danged recipe on Pioneer Woman and haven't stopped thinking about it since.
Sour Cream and Onion potato chips. sigh.
Del Frisco's spinach supreme. I don't know where this one came from, but it ended with it being added to my Thanksgiving Day menu in a modified format.
Now, generally, with my WW leader, she strongly recommends that if you are craving something...you should eat it. Her thoughts are that you enjoy a small portion of whatever it is you are wanting and then you move on. Otherwise, you will eat everything in sight and still not be happy because you haven't had that one thing you are really craving and you will end up eating it anyway. So, I am wondering what to do when I am craving a LIST of things? And one of them is only located in Orlando, Florida? Again, I say.....*sigh*. They also say that sometimes you are craving things like potato chips because maybe you have a salt deficiency, etc. So, it appears, I am deficient in salt, sugar, fat, and fluid. I could buy items 1, 2, and 4....but since I know item 3 isn't true, I am thinking that isn't it.
So, I suppose I will have my two slices of non-Disney World pizza, drink my fourth bottle of water for the day, and try to get this train back on the tracks before it is completely derailed and spontaneously combusts.
I am craving the following random things:
Cheesecake. Okay, that one isn't random. Anyone who has known me since about 10th grade knows that about me. But I still want it. Bad.
Long John Silvers fish. Why? No idea.
Pizza from Disney World. Yep. That's right. Disney World.
Taco platter from Taco Cabana. Now, let me be honest. That one, I DID eat on a regular basis before WW. At least twice a month so I can kind of explain that one.
Root Beer. I know it isn't food. But I am craving it all the same.
Large Cherry Coke from Sonic. Same as above.
Texas Sheet Cake. I saw the danged recipe on Pioneer Woman and haven't stopped thinking about it since.
Sour Cream and Onion potato chips. sigh.
Del Frisco's spinach supreme. I don't know where this one came from, but it ended with it being added to my Thanksgiving Day menu in a modified format.
Now, generally, with my WW leader, she strongly recommends that if you are craving something...you should eat it. Her thoughts are that you enjoy a small portion of whatever it is you are wanting and then you move on. Otherwise, you will eat everything in sight and still not be happy because you haven't had that one thing you are really craving and you will end up eating it anyway. So, I am wondering what to do when I am craving a LIST of things? And one of them is only located in Orlando, Florida? Again, I say.....*sigh*. They also say that sometimes you are craving things like potato chips because maybe you have a salt deficiency, etc. So, it appears, I am deficient in salt, sugar, fat, and fluid. I could buy items 1, 2, and 4....but since I know item 3 isn't true, I am thinking that isn't it.
So, I suppose I will have my two slices of non-Disney World pizza, drink my fourth bottle of water for the day, and try to get this train back on the tracks before it is completely derailed and spontaneously combusts.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Say WHAT?
Do you ever wonder what people are exactly thinking before they speak sometimes? Someone came up to Troy this week and asked him if was "okay". Troy was looking at him wondering what he was talking about and if there was some bad news going around that maybe he was the last to hear. The man leaned over and whispered, "I see how much weight you have lost, I don't know if you want to talk about it...." and Troy replied with, "Well, I don't mind....I have lost over 50 lbs and I am going to weight watchers. I am not embarrassed by it. Me and Becca are doing it together actually." The man looked surprised and then said, "Oh. You are TRYING to lose weight? I thought you were....you know......sick." Talk about ego deflation to someone who has been working their bootie off (get it? Working their bootie off? Haha...oh never mind.) to get thin. Troy comes stomping in the house looking at himself in the mirror. "BABE!" (Oh Lord, did he burn his ass again?!) "Do I look SICK?!" UGH. I felt so bad for him! What are people thinking?
It is the same thing with people who INSIST on pointing out to me that I am "sick all the time". Someone asked me this week, "Is there something wrong with your immune system? Have you been checked?" I was thinking...is that any of their business? It wasn't even someone I would consider a friend....more like an acquaintance! I get asked that a lot....because obviously....I AM sick....ALL the time. I wonder when someone tells me that if they think they are telling me some new information? Or if they thought THEY noticed I was sick a lot and maybe I hadn't noticed yet? So in case I was remarkably unobservant, they need to bring it to my attention? Is that what they are thinking? Maybe they are trying to be helpful? That would be an optimistic way to look at things. Perhaps I should try it. I would rather say to someone, "Man, you are RUDE all the time! Have you noticed?!" But that would be....well, rude, I guess.
Someone suggests to me maybe about 2 times a week that I start taking vitamins. I always wonder if I am being too polite by telling them I already do take vitamins. Would I be within my rights to just say, "You know what? That is none of your business or your concern. Good day to you!" and then politely walk away smiling? Or maybe I should start replying with, "WHAT A GOOD IDEA! They make VITAMINS?! THANK YOU!" Hmmmm, there goes that sarcastic side rearing its' ugly head again. *Sigh*
One day, I did get a little bit annoyed with someone who was going on and on making jokes about telling Troy he should invest in a "plastic bubble" for me for Christmas (it is cute when someone does that out of love by the way. Because they want to protect you and don't like seeing you sick. The other is just flat annoying.) so that I wouldn't get sick so much. They followed up with, "What is wrong with you anyways?" Again, this was NOT a friend, not a family member, just an acquaintance at work. I smiled and said, "Well, I was born not breathing and almost didn't survive. I was very weak and my immune system never properly developed. I was a very, very sick infant. Since then, I have worked myself into an even weaker state by putting in 80 to 100 hours a week at this place and sleeping about 3 to 4 hours a night for the last 10 years. To top it all off, I was put on an intensive steroid regimen three different times for my jaw surgery, my separated shoulder, my chronic bronchitis, and then three MORE times after my car accident. That pretty much took care of the immune system I had left. Then, I work at CPS where my workers are in and out of dirty, nasty homes all day everyday and the rest of the time are either in daycares or schools. And, oh yeah, my sister is a teacher and my nephew attends daycare. If I don't get whatever they have floating around here, it is waiting for me when I get home." They just stared at me and said, "Oh. So there is actually a reason? Sorry." Now, maybe I was being unkind by airing my dirty laundry to them in such a manner that they might have felt guilty about asking the question. Was I out of line?
What is the craziest or more inappropriate thing someone has said to you? Surely this isn't just happening in the Dix household?! By the way, to keep my PG rating on my blog, I omitted all the lovely things that come out of people's mouths when they hear our last name for the first time. Whew. That would fill up a whole other blog entirely. Right Shannon? :-) Now, everyone can wonder what you said....
It is the same thing with people who INSIST on pointing out to me that I am "sick all the time". Someone asked me this week, "Is there something wrong with your immune system? Have you been checked?" I was thinking...is that any of their business? It wasn't even someone I would consider a friend....more like an acquaintance! I get asked that a lot....because obviously....I AM sick....ALL the time. I wonder when someone tells me that if they think they are telling me some new information? Or if they thought THEY noticed I was sick a lot and maybe I hadn't noticed yet? So in case I was remarkably unobservant, they need to bring it to my attention? Is that what they are thinking? Maybe they are trying to be helpful? That would be an optimistic way to look at things. Perhaps I should try it. I would rather say to someone, "Man, you are RUDE all the time! Have you noticed?!" But that would be....well, rude, I guess.
Someone suggests to me maybe about 2 times a week that I start taking vitamins. I always wonder if I am being too polite by telling them I already do take vitamins. Would I be within my rights to just say, "You know what? That is none of your business or your concern. Good day to you!" and then politely walk away smiling? Or maybe I should start replying with, "WHAT A GOOD IDEA! They make VITAMINS?! THANK YOU!" Hmmmm, there goes that sarcastic side rearing its' ugly head again. *Sigh*
One day, I did get a little bit annoyed with someone who was going on and on making jokes about telling Troy he should invest in a "plastic bubble" for me for Christmas (it is cute when someone does that out of love by the way. Because they want to protect you and don't like seeing you sick. The other is just flat annoying.) so that I wouldn't get sick so much. They followed up with, "What is wrong with you anyways?" Again, this was NOT a friend, not a family member, just an acquaintance at work. I smiled and said, "Well, I was born not breathing and almost didn't survive. I was very weak and my immune system never properly developed. I was a very, very sick infant. Since then, I have worked myself into an even weaker state by putting in 80 to 100 hours a week at this place and sleeping about 3 to 4 hours a night for the last 10 years. To top it all off, I was put on an intensive steroid regimen three different times for my jaw surgery, my separated shoulder, my chronic bronchitis, and then three MORE times after my car accident. That pretty much took care of the immune system I had left. Then, I work at CPS where my workers are in and out of dirty, nasty homes all day everyday and the rest of the time are either in daycares or schools. And, oh yeah, my sister is a teacher and my nephew attends daycare. If I don't get whatever they have floating around here, it is waiting for me when I get home." They just stared at me and said, "Oh. So there is actually a reason? Sorry." Now, maybe I was being unkind by airing my dirty laundry to them in such a manner that they might have felt guilty about asking the question. Was I out of line?
What is the craziest or more inappropriate thing someone has said to you? Surely this isn't just happening in the Dix household?! By the way, to keep my PG rating on my blog, I omitted all the lovely things that come out of people's mouths when they hear our last name for the first time. Whew. That would fill up a whole other blog entirely. Right Shannon? :-) Now, everyone can wonder what you said....
Monday, October 19, 2009
The BIG 100
This Saturday, something amazing happened. Troy and I went to WW on Saturday like is normal for us every Saturday since April. We had missed the weekend before, which was our first missed meeting, and had gone traipsing all over the State Fair of Texas finding crazy food to eat that was both yummy and ridiculously high in points. We were a little nervous, coming off of a week where we hadn't weighed in, and having eaten pretty much what we wanted that past Saturday. I guess the traipsing part paid off though, because we both had amazing weight losses when we stepped on the scale and celebrated new milestones with our group.
I have now lost 44 pounds. Troy? Well, you know he has to have lost more than that (of course) and if you are really good at simple subtraction, or even addition, I bet you have figured out that he has lost 56. Put it all together and what do you get? The big 100. I honestly cannot believe it and despite the fact that it HAS been really difficult and challenging at times...I really can't believe how easy it has been and how fast we have gotten to this point. I just keep telling myself that I will blink again and next summer will be here and we will both be where we want to be.
When our leader announced our new success milestones to the group, the room broke into the most amazing applause and cheers. I am telling you- we are like weight watchers rock stars. :-) Then an older lady in the front says, "Oh my goodness, they have lost a WHOLE PERSON!" I wasn't sure whether to be amazed or embarrassed by that, so I chose to just go with proud and smile away.
Troy only has about 20 pounds left to lose and he is starting to focus more on strength training and muscle building at this point. I am down to 59 pounds left and while that is still a LOT of weight- it feels easier now than ever before. I have already made out my Thanksgiving Day menu, complete with point values for each dish, and figured out ways to lighten up everything and use my points where I really want to....that would be on the mac and cheese. I know it is going to be rough to make it through the holidays and keep on track, but I know with us supporting each other and keeping each other accountable....we will be just fine.
I have now lost 44 pounds. Troy? Well, you know he has to have lost more than that (of course) and if you are really good at simple subtraction, or even addition, I bet you have figured out that he has lost 56. Put it all together and what do you get? The big 100. I honestly cannot believe it and despite the fact that it HAS been really difficult and challenging at times...I really can't believe how easy it has been and how fast we have gotten to this point. I just keep telling myself that I will blink again and next summer will be here and we will both be where we want to be.
When our leader announced our new success milestones to the group, the room broke into the most amazing applause and cheers. I am telling you- we are like weight watchers rock stars. :-) Then an older lady in the front says, "Oh my goodness, they have lost a WHOLE PERSON!" I wasn't sure whether to be amazed or embarrassed by that, so I chose to just go with proud and smile away.
Troy only has about 20 pounds left to lose and he is starting to focus more on strength training and muscle building at this point. I am down to 59 pounds left and while that is still a LOT of weight- it feels easier now than ever before. I have already made out my Thanksgiving Day menu, complete with point values for each dish, and figured out ways to lighten up everything and use my points where I really want to....that would be on the mac and cheese. I know it is going to be rough to make it through the holidays and keep on track, but I know with us supporting each other and keeping each other accountable....we will be just fine.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Relax, relate, release
This week has been an interesting week and by interesting, I mean challenging. One of my biggest faults is my quick temper and I have come a very long way in learning to keep that and my smart mouth in check most of the time. This week pushed me to points I have not been in quite some time and left me feeling a multitude of things. For one, I am proud of myself. There were times when I wanted to just really let loose and tell someone what I was thinking in my head that I was dying to say out loud. I didn't do it. That took a whole lot of restraint and effort on my part and, to be completely honest, left me exhausted.
On the other hand, I am left feeling confused and bewildered. Why do people feel the need to be so mean? Is there some benefit to being that way? Did their mother never tell them that whole catch more flies with honey spiel? Why people would spend their time being obnoxious and argumentative instead of helpful and cooperative (particularly in my line of work) is simply befuddling to me. Yes, I said befuddling. Meanness, bullying, rudeness have all always been things I could just never understand and they are sometimes so unsettling to me, they make me physically ill.
Today, I spent 37 minutes on the phone with another supervisor who berated me, berated my staff, talked to me as if I was 2 years old and had misbehaved and somehow offended her. The purpose of the conversation? Trying to come up with a time when we could staff a case together because she reported that she was too busy to do so today. I heard someone in the background and she told me it was her worker (the one we needed to staff with) and I said....can't we just staff the case NOW? We have been on the phone arguing about this for 37 minutes! She advised me that it was her lunch break and she doesn't staff cases then. I am left to wonder if she ever even considered how petty she sounded. To wonder how we can all supposedly be here to help change the lives of children when that is your mentality. Why would you waste 37 minutes of time arguing that you don't have time to staff a case today...that would take 15 minutes to staff? Oh wait....it was your LUNCH HOUR! Now I get it! The sheer ludicrous nature of the situation was enough to give me whiplash from shaking my head.
This is only the most recent example I experienced this week of behavior that left me wondering what on Earth people are thinking and trying to understand where they are coming from. For some reason, it made me the most upset and I ended up bursting into tears. Not out of sadness but out of sheer frustration. Maybe it was the culmination of events of the week? Or my lack of sleep?
Not all of the things that happened this week were in my professional life and some were in my personal life. I am making some really tough decisions about how to include people in my life who are really important to me but are possibly destructive to me as well. I am trying to push the negative as far away from me as I can and trying to surround myself with joy and happiness. Sometimes, in matters of the heart, that is easier said than done.
I am trying to be self-reflective as well and understand what role I have in the situations I have experienced....trust me, I am well aware I am not little miss innocence. One thing I am not; however, is just mean. Smart aleck? Check. Sarcastic? Check check. Arrogant? Slightly. :-) Mean? Nope. That one I just don't understand. Is there some sense of satisfaction for some people in hurting others? Does it make them feel better about themselves? I don't even understand how that could work that way...but maybe I am missing something. I am sure that I could have handled several of those situations better than I did this week and perhaps the outcome would have been different. I do know, however, that I handled them better this week than I would have five years ago....so there is progress and hope for different outcomes in the future. One of my friends told me this week, "Rebecca- you can't fight ignorance so just leave it alone...you are just going to wear yourself out and they are never going to get it because they aren't capable." I have a hard time accepting that to be true. I have to believe that, deep down, everyone has the capacity to change for the better and not stay "stuck" where they are. I have to hope for that or I would go crazy (no, for real crazy....) at my job seeing the cruelty and sadness day in and day out. If I thought there was no hope for change...I would be completely ineffective and I like to believe that is not the case.
Just curious though, have you ever wondered how much nicer the world would be if people didn't spend so much time convincing you how "Christian" they are and spent more time showing you? And that if they spent more time showing you....would you even need to talk about it? Their beliefs and their true spirit would be transparent and self-evident....would they not? Something that has had me really scratching my head this week is the people who hide behind the guise of Christianity and talk about their faith while at the same time berating and degrading others, passing judgment, and arguing and criticizing others. Perhaps I missed the lesson regarding "Judge not lest ye be judged" but I thought it went against all of those things. Maybe I misunderstood. I especially love when someone ends a particularly hairy argument with "I am going to pray for you." I am always a little frightened about exactly who they are praying to and left kind of wishing they would just leave me out of it...
As one of my young worker's encouraged me to do this evening....I am off to relax...relate....release. Don't worry, when I get done, I am going to pray for all of those mean people. They keep telling me they have Jesus in their life but I think we might be talking about two different guys. :-)
Much Love,
Becca
On the other hand, I am left feeling confused and bewildered. Why do people feel the need to be so mean? Is there some benefit to being that way? Did their mother never tell them that whole catch more flies with honey spiel? Why people would spend their time being obnoxious and argumentative instead of helpful and cooperative (particularly in my line of work) is simply befuddling to me. Yes, I said befuddling. Meanness, bullying, rudeness have all always been things I could just never understand and they are sometimes so unsettling to me, they make me physically ill.
Today, I spent 37 minutes on the phone with another supervisor who berated me, berated my staff, talked to me as if I was 2 years old and had misbehaved and somehow offended her. The purpose of the conversation? Trying to come up with a time when we could staff a case together because she reported that she was too busy to do so today. I heard someone in the background and she told me it was her worker (the one we needed to staff with) and I said....can't we just staff the case NOW? We have been on the phone arguing about this for 37 minutes! She advised me that it was her lunch break and she doesn't staff cases then. I am left to wonder if she ever even considered how petty she sounded. To wonder how we can all supposedly be here to help change the lives of children when that is your mentality. Why would you waste 37 minutes of time arguing that you don't have time to staff a case today...that would take 15 minutes to staff? Oh wait....it was your LUNCH HOUR! Now I get it! The sheer ludicrous nature of the situation was enough to give me whiplash from shaking my head.
This is only the most recent example I experienced this week of behavior that left me wondering what on Earth people are thinking and trying to understand where they are coming from. For some reason, it made me the most upset and I ended up bursting into tears. Not out of sadness but out of sheer frustration. Maybe it was the culmination of events of the week? Or my lack of sleep?
Not all of the things that happened this week were in my professional life and some were in my personal life. I am making some really tough decisions about how to include people in my life who are really important to me but are possibly destructive to me as well. I am trying to push the negative as far away from me as I can and trying to surround myself with joy and happiness. Sometimes, in matters of the heart, that is easier said than done.
I am trying to be self-reflective as well and understand what role I have in the situations I have experienced....trust me, I am well aware I am not little miss innocence. One thing I am not; however, is just mean. Smart aleck? Check. Sarcastic? Check check. Arrogant? Slightly. :-) Mean? Nope. That one I just don't understand. Is there some sense of satisfaction for some people in hurting others? Does it make them feel better about themselves? I don't even understand how that could work that way...but maybe I am missing something. I am sure that I could have handled several of those situations better than I did this week and perhaps the outcome would have been different. I do know, however, that I handled them better this week than I would have five years ago....so there is progress and hope for different outcomes in the future. One of my friends told me this week, "Rebecca- you can't fight ignorance so just leave it alone...you are just going to wear yourself out and they are never going to get it because they aren't capable." I have a hard time accepting that to be true. I have to believe that, deep down, everyone has the capacity to change for the better and not stay "stuck" where they are. I have to hope for that or I would go crazy (no, for real crazy....) at my job seeing the cruelty and sadness day in and day out. If I thought there was no hope for change...I would be completely ineffective and I like to believe that is not the case.
Just curious though, have you ever wondered how much nicer the world would be if people didn't spend so much time convincing you how "Christian" they are and spent more time showing you? And that if they spent more time showing you....would you even need to talk about it? Their beliefs and their true spirit would be transparent and self-evident....would they not? Something that has had me really scratching my head this week is the people who hide behind the guise of Christianity and talk about their faith while at the same time berating and degrading others, passing judgment, and arguing and criticizing others. Perhaps I missed the lesson regarding "Judge not lest ye be judged" but I thought it went against all of those things. Maybe I misunderstood. I especially love when someone ends a particularly hairy argument with "I am going to pray for you." I am always a little frightened about exactly who they are praying to and left kind of wishing they would just leave me out of it...
As one of my young worker's encouraged me to do this evening....I am off to relax...relate....release. Don't worry, when I get done, I am going to pray for all of those mean people. They keep telling me they have Jesus in their life but I think we might be talking about two different guys. :-)
Much Love,
Becca
Friday, September 11, 2009
Wow...
Well, I went from "two blogs, one day" to "two months, no blog"! Thank you Lorren for the friendly reminder that I needed to move on over to blogspot and get to writing. I guess I have quite a bit to update since I have been MIA for the last two months. :-)
Those of you who are on Facebook know that the last two months has held some great news, some great accomplishments, and some really sad news for the Dix family.
We lost our beloved Buster on 8/31 (my birthday) after 12 years of loyal companionship and great memories. He was about 14 years old and he got really sick with cancer and it just broke our hearts. Buster was quite simply the greatest dog there ever was. He was amazing. Buster followed my niece and nephew home from their grandmother's job one day 12 years ago after they fed him pancakes from McDonald's behind her store. He licked off the syrup, buried the pancakes, and the rest was history. My mother-in-law (future MIL at the time) would open the back gate and tell Buster to "shoo!" and he would come right around and sit on the front porch and wait for my future husband to get home and let him back in the backyard. You could set a plate of food on the floor in front of Buster and he would not touch it unless you told him it was okay. Once, when we were living in Bedford, someone tried to break into the house and Buster went INSANE and scared them away before the police could get there. We had our ups and downs with Buster as he had a lot of health problems and had FOUR surgeries while we had him (for a "free" dog, he cost us a LOT of $$$!) in our home. It was right before his first surgery that we found out he had "beebees" stuck in his back where someone had shot him with a beebee gun before he found us. We had already known before but then we really knew, he had suffered terribly before he came into our lives and it was no wonder he was so grateful for our family. He was an amazing dog and a member of our family since before we said "I do". We loved him and will miss him for a long, long time.
I am wrapping up a 3 week vacation right now (praise the LORD for my fabulous boss who allows me the time off to do this- I could not survive without it!) and the time off allowed us to add a new family member, Blake Lee Dix. He is about 1.5 lbs right now, yorkshire terrier, and is a load of fun. I love him already! He already knows his name after only two days and he is pottying where he is supposed to so I really REALLY love him right now. :-) Him and his big sister Bailee are getting along fabulously but I must say it looks like Bailee has doubled in size since Blake got here. I guess that is an optical illusion but I am not totally convinced.
Our weekly visits to WW continue and we are reaping the benefits of healthy living. Troy has lost almost 50 pounds (that jerk, LOL) and I am down 36. No more WOMEN'S sizes for me! Yay! We are feeling and looking great and are really, really proud of our success. I have 68 pounds to go and it feels like it will never get here but if I just moving forward, I know it will be here before I know it. We cleaned out our closet last weekend and I got rid of FOUR sizes of clothing. It is an amazing feeling to step into your old jeans (without even unzipping them or unbuttoning them!) and seeing how they are so huge on you. I felt like I was in a Subway commercial. I should call them and ask for my fee. I have decided that when I get to my goal this time, I will go to work for WW part time on the weekends. Not that I think I have a whole heck of a lot of spare time to actually work a second job (since the one I do have is like working 4 regular, ha) but to work at WW you have to maintain or be within 2 lbs of your goal weight and I am KICKING myself for not doing this the last time. I anticipate that I will be at goal by sometime next summer- so watch out Schlitterbahn- here we come! :-)
I turned 32 since my last blog post (*sigh*) and that was always my "cut-off" for trying to get pregnant. Something about that day actually coming made me reconsider all of the reasons I previously held so strong for why 32 was the "doomsday date". Now, I have said Troy turning 40 will be the cut-off, which means we have a little over 2 years remaining. (Sorry to bring that up Troy in case you hadn't thought of it yet in those terms. ) There are days when I think I have come to terms with the fact that our family might always consist of furry four legged children and other days when it still hurts so much I feel like someone has set me on fire and poured gasoline on the flames. In the end, I know that God has a plan for me and that if my purpose in life was always to give back and help save those children who are in peril with their own families, so be it. Perhaps I have too much to give to those children and there isn't enough left for my own. Whatever the reason may be, it is what it is, and I will continue to pray that the Lord will give me strength, perseverance, and vision where I am lacking all when it comes to this issue.
In the meantime, I have two furry children to love on and who will not need braces or a college education and I have a nephew who I can spoil, who loves me to pieces, and while he might need braces and definitely needs a college education, neither will be on my dime. Luckily, I also have a husband who is the greatest gift God has ever given me and I am so fortunate and so blessed that he has patience and love for his imperfect wife.
Enjoy the picture of my newest (and tiniest) baby and I will be back before 2 months....I promise. On this, the memorial of the greatest tragedy on US soil 8 years ago, I close with God Bless America and God Bless our soldiers who are fighting abroad and who are defending us here at home. God Bless the families of the victims of 9/11 and God Bless our president while he faces challenges most of us could never fathom to keep this country safe from future harm.
Love,
Becca
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Two Blogs, One Day?
Well, if I can get it written and posted in the next 8 minutes that is....
I baby-sat Burim, my three year old nephew and apple of my eye, tonight so that Shannon could attend a friend's wedding. I have been in a FUNK all week long so I was acting more like a brat about doing this than I honestly should have. Here are the highlights from tonight's adventures in baby-sitting and yes, you are going to be subjected to all of the cute stories because almost all of the rest of you have cute kid stories all the time and I am always jealous so now I have some and I am going to blog about them. :-) I should be ashamed of myself for being bratty about baby-sitting when it brings me this kind of joy...(not to mention blog material)
1) I hand my fortune cookie to Burim and he opens it and pulls the paper out. "What does it say Burim?" (since he is learning to read- yes, I know- he is a genius) He hands it back to me and replies, "I don't know- it's in Spanish." I just stared at him and took it away from him. No, don't get all excited- it wasn't actually in Spanish- but where he came up with this is beyond me!
2) Burim knows he is NOT supposed to touch the little chlorine floater in the pool and I often say to his mother- if he isn't supposed to touch it- why not just take it out before he gets in there? Seems simple enough to me! Well, tonight, we all pile into the pool and are having a splendid time and he goes over and picks up the chlorine floater. Wait- who left THAT in there? Oh yeah. I'm the one in charge tonight so I guess that would be ME. "Burim!" (I shriek) I proceed to remind him he is NOT to touch the chlorine and that he knows this and if he does it again- he will get out of the pool and go to time-out. Here comes Mr. Burim through the water. He wraps his arms around my neck, leans his head on my shoulder and says, "Becca......I love you!" Silence. Troy is trying hard not to lose it and bust out laughing. "Burim, I love you too. Now don't touch the chlorine." (Trying to keep a straight face and failing miserably.) When I was re-telling this story to his mother- she says, "Wait. You didn't take it out BEFORE you got in the pool?" Damn my arrogance anyway.
3) When we arrived, we had picked up our dinner and came in with a big bag of food. Burim comes running up to Troy. "Uncle Troy! Did you bring me a burrito? Nuggets?! Pizza?!?!?" We are staring at each other and at his mother- it is 6:30! He didn't eat yet?! He runs to his mother, "They are eating and didn't bring me ANYTHING!" We are HORRIFIED and MORTIFIED! So we proceed to tell him we are going to make him a burrito right now. He looks at us in disgust and says, "I do not WANT to eat now. Right now, I will be playing." Where does this child GET this stuff?
4) Giving Burim his bath after pool time ends. I am sitting on the commode, flipping through a magazine. He turns around and looks at me. "Becca. Are you pooping?" Ummmm. No. But thanks for checking!
5) The best part of the whole night, well besides him being completely adorable and having the best laugh in the whole wide and ENTIRE world, was when he curled up with his blanket and tried to fight off sleep while he laid his head on Troy's lap. This makes my whole WORLD that my nephew who has my dimples and my blood in his veins adores the man I love more than life. I literally cannot explain what it makes me feel and how much it makes me love and adore BOTH of them more and more every time I witness it first hand.
I think five is enough, more than 5 and I would just be showing off. :-)
Dang it. It's 12:02. Oh well. Back to back blogs it will have to be. But I'm not going back to change the title.
Good night!
B
I baby-sat Burim, my three year old nephew and apple of my eye, tonight so that Shannon could attend a friend's wedding. I have been in a FUNK all week long so I was acting more like a brat about doing this than I honestly should have. Here are the highlights from tonight's adventures in baby-sitting and yes, you are going to be subjected to all of the cute stories because almost all of the rest of you have cute kid stories all the time and I am always jealous so now I have some and I am going to blog about them. :-) I should be ashamed of myself for being bratty about baby-sitting when it brings me this kind of joy...(not to mention blog material)
1) I hand my fortune cookie to Burim and he opens it and pulls the paper out. "What does it say Burim?" (since he is learning to read- yes, I know- he is a genius) He hands it back to me and replies, "I don't know- it's in Spanish." I just stared at him and took it away from him. No, don't get all excited- it wasn't actually in Spanish- but where he came up with this is beyond me!
2) Burim knows he is NOT supposed to touch the little chlorine floater in the pool and I often say to his mother- if he isn't supposed to touch it- why not just take it out before he gets in there? Seems simple enough to me! Well, tonight, we all pile into the pool and are having a splendid time and he goes over and picks up the chlorine floater. Wait- who left THAT in there? Oh yeah. I'm the one in charge tonight so I guess that would be ME. "Burim!" (I shriek) I proceed to remind him he is NOT to touch the chlorine and that he knows this and if he does it again- he will get out of the pool and go to time-out. Here comes Mr. Burim through the water. He wraps his arms around my neck, leans his head on my shoulder and says, "Becca......I love you!" Silence. Troy is trying hard not to lose it and bust out laughing. "Burim, I love you too. Now don't touch the chlorine." (Trying to keep a straight face and failing miserably.) When I was re-telling this story to his mother- she says, "Wait. You didn't take it out BEFORE you got in the pool?" Damn my arrogance anyway.
3) When we arrived, we had picked up our dinner and came in with a big bag of food. Burim comes running up to Troy. "Uncle Troy! Did you bring me a burrito? Nuggets?! Pizza?!?!?" We are staring at each other and at his mother- it is 6:30! He didn't eat yet?! He runs to his mother, "They are eating and didn't bring me ANYTHING!" We are HORRIFIED and MORTIFIED! So we proceed to tell him we are going to make him a burrito right now. He looks at us in disgust and says, "I do not WANT to eat now. Right now, I will be playing." Where does this child GET this stuff?
4) Giving Burim his bath after pool time ends. I am sitting on the commode, flipping through a magazine. He turns around and looks at me. "Becca. Are you pooping?" Ummmm. No. But thanks for checking!
5) The best part of the whole night, well besides him being completely adorable and having the best laugh in the whole wide and ENTIRE world, was when he curled up with his blanket and tried to fight off sleep while he laid his head on Troy's lap. This makes my whole WORLD that my nephew who has my dimples and my blood in his veins adores the man I love more than life. I literally cannot explain what it makes me feel and how much it makes me love and adore BOTH of them more and more every time I witness it first hand.
I think five is enough, more than 5 and I would just be showing off. :-)
Dang it. It's 12:02. Oh well. Back to back blogs it will have to be. But I'm not going back to change the title.
Good night!
B
77 and counting
Sevens are lucky in the gambling world...and anyone who knows me well knows that I Lo-ooooo-ve to gamble. Emphasis on the love. I have been feening for some gambling time but this year it's not looking so promising. Maybe next year as my reward for all of this hard work.
This week we went back to WW after a week off for the 4th of July holiday. She presented stats that said JULY is the biggest drop-out rate month of the entire year for their program. I was shocked by this! She said she was too. I thought for sure it would be either April (when the newness from New Year's resolutions wears off) or November/December when people start going holiday crazy. Nope- July she said. Inneresting. Glad we came back or we would have just been another statistic.
Together- Troy and I have now lost almost 60 pounds. Of course, he has lost more than me, that's why I group it together. Makes me feel more successful lumping his success in with mine. I told our leader after the meeting today that I was expecting big savings in my bank account next month because gas prices are going back down and we should be getting better gas mileage on our cars REAL soon. She couldn't help but laugh.
I had to get up and speak today because I set another milestone and it is a big one in the world of Weight Watchers. I lost 10% of my body weight today! I didn't just lose what I needed to either- I obliterated it! I lost another 3.4 pounds in this morning's weigh-in and I was pretty stinkin' proud of myself for coming off a week with no meeting PLUS a major national holiday?! Awesomeness.
Even more awesome- I went to the front of the class, wrapped her feather boa around me (that is her "thing"- you wear a boa and shimmy it whenever you lose 10% of your weight- for some reason, Troy politely declined when it was his turn- such a party pooper) and talked about my journey thus far. Bonus? I didn't even shed a tear! Troy was sitting next to me and I thought he had turned into Bill or Edward (hello Sookie and Twilight fans, are you following this?) because I am pretty sure he had stopped breathing. I couldn't even look at him because I knew that would probably do me in. Later he told me, he heard a slight crack in my voice in the beginning and he knows that is how it always starts but that I shook it off and kept on trucking and didn't shed a tear. After the meeting, I went to hug my leader and she showed me where she had grabbed some tissues on her way into the room because she wanted to be prepared if I started blubbering. :-)
I have found my weight loss journey to be quite the emotional one. It is easy to ride high on adrenaline when you are losing faster than you can buy new clothes but it is just as easy to beat yourself the hell up whenever you do everything possible that you think is right and then you only lose .2 of a pound. So, making it through my little public appearance today with no tears was QUITE the accomplishment.
The changes in my body are becoming more and more evident and when I see my sister tonight she BETTER notice something besides my incredible-shrinking-boobs. Because I am so short, I have dropped 3 sizes already with my current weight loss. Fantabulous!
77 pounds to go. I can do this- yes I can! 7's are lucky!
Love,
Becca
This week we went back to WW after a week off for the 4th of July holiday. She presented stats that said JULY is the biggest drop-out rate month of the entire year for their program. I was shocked by this! She said she was too. I thought for sure it would be either April (when the newness from New Year's resolutions wears off) or November/December when people start going holiday crazy. Nope- July she said. Inneresting. Glad we came back or we would have just been another statistic.
Together- Troy and I have now lost almost 60 pounds. Of course, he has lost more than me, that's why I group it together. Makes me feel more successful lumping his success in with mine. I told our leader after the meeting today that I was expecting big savings in my bank account next month because gas prices are going back down and we should be getting better gas mileage on our cars REAL soon. She couldn't help but laugh.
I had to get up and speak today because I set another milestone and it is a big one in the world of Weight Watchers. I lost 10% of my body weight today! I didn't just lose what I needed to either- I obliterated it! I lost another 3.4 pounds in this morning's weigh-in and I was pretty stinkin' proud of myself for coming off a week with no meeting PLUS a major national holiday?! Awesomeness.
Even more awesome- I went to the front of the class, wrapped her feather boa around me (that is her "thing"- you wear a boa and shimmy it whenever you lose 10% of your weight- for some reason, Troy politely declined when it was his turn- such a party pooper) and talked about my journey thus far. Bonus? I didn't even shed a tear! Troy was sitting next to me and I thought he had turned into Bill or Edward (hello Sookie and Twilight fans, are you following this?) because I am pretty sure he had stopped breathing. I couldn't even look at him because I knew that would probably do me in. Later he told me, he heard a slight crack in my voice in the beginning and he knows that is how it always starts but that I shook it off and kept on trucking and didn't shed a tear. After the meeting, I went to hug my leader and she showed me where she had grabbed some tissues on her way into the room because she wanted to be prepared if I started blubbering. :-)
I have found my weight loss journey to be quite the emotional one. It is easy to ride high on adrenaline when you are losing faster than you can buy new clothes but it is just as easy to beat yourself the hell up whenever you do everything possible that you think is right and then you only lose .2 of a pound. So, making it through my little public appearance today with no tears was QUITE the accomplishment.
The changes in my body are becoming more and more evident and when I see my sister tonight she BETTER notice something besides my incredible-shrinking-boobs. Because I am so short, I have dropped 3 sizes already with my current weight loss. Fantabulous!
77 pounds to go. I can do this- yes I can! 7's are lucky!
Love,
Becca
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Happy Birthday America!
That's what I spent some of my time doing on the holiday yesterday....trying to get Burim to say that. It finally happened after about 4 unsuccessful tries of him holding his arms up and yelling proudly "HAPPY BIRTHDAY BECCA!" LOL
My husband decided on our way down to Canton yesterday (for those who don't know, Canton is a small town out towards East Texas and the weekend before the "First Monday" in every month, they have a huge, I mean HUGE, trade show where you can buy just about anything your heart desires) we needed to introduce our 3 year old nephew to the spectacle and mystery that is fireworks. I informed him we should likely call Burim's mommy, my sister, and get permission before making such an investment, and to my wonderment, she thought it was a good idea too and told us to proceed. Yeah! Exciting times!
After spending 4 hours shopping in the 104 degree Texas sun, we were dripping wet, red faced, and exhausted, but got re-energized all over again when we pulled off onto the gravel shoulder to what claimed to be the "Largest fireworks stand in Texas! NO WAIT! 15 windows!" and began our inspection of their bounty.
Now, I know nothing about fireworks. We weren't allowed to have them as a kid and my mom put the fear of God into us with her wretched story about her friend, the boy who "blew his hand off", and forbade us from touching them. Troy, on the other hand, grew up with fireworks and goes into some sort of frenzy around them. Some of my greatest memories from early on in our marriage is going out to his sister's home in the country, which sat on acres of land, and watching the boys all shoot off hundreds of dollars worth of fireworks. We would BBQ, have watermelon, and home made vanilla ice cream with fresh sweet strawberries and sit outside drinking beer and wine coolers and having a great time. Her kids were young and still at home back then and they loved their aunt and uncle and we loved them and it was good, great, and awesome times. I get so nostalgic just thinking about it! His mother, Sherle, would send people back up the fireworks stand over and over and over again to get "just 20 more dollars" (really $100 more) because she loved it so much and Troy definitely takes after her in this way. She would slip money into different people's pockets and think she was being sneaky even though everyone knew what she was doing. Someone need to run to the store for milk? $20 in their pocket to stop by the fireworks stand on the way. 4th of July was one of our greatest family holidays back then and fireworks were a BIG deal. I can't believe those kids are now either in college, married for 5 years, or already finished a 4 year stint in the Marines. Goodness how time passes us by.
Troy starts conversing with the woman at the fireworks stand about what is appropriate for a 3 year old (really I think this is a ludicrous question- fireworks that are appropriate for a 3 year old? Let's get serious people!) and the pile in front of us starts growing and growing. He buys an entire SLEEVE of sparklers instead of just one box- why, I have no idea, but that's what he does. Then these little chickens who lay eggs ("shoot sparks out of their butt" is how she explained it) get added to the pile. He decided he wants a sparkler fountain too and she grabs one off the shelf. He double checks to make sure it is just a fountain that sprays color and she assures us it is. Good thing he has a witness to this conversation. That's all I'm saying. Otherwise, my sister really might have killed him last night.
Troy advises Ms. Fireworks Seller we will be IN the city limits and that we need things that are quiet and can be done in the backyard with no one getting arrested. He just wants a little bit of color and light to get Burim exposed to fireworks. Oh yes, she assures us, this one will be fine. "It's just a sparkler fountain that sprays pretty colors," and she makes a waving motion around the top of the cone to demonstrate how the pretty, pretty colors will come out. He points to one that is twice the size of the one we just added to the stack and she says that one will be fine too. He adds it the pile, I am shaking my head, and remind him we are NOT going to his sister's and I start laughing telling him he is definitely his mother's son. Now I am full-fledged tugging on Troy's sleeve and reminding him that Burim is only 3 when I notice that his eyes have glazed over and he appears to be in some sort of fireworks trance. ENOUGH! Time to go. We hide our illegal loot in the trunk under all of my Canton goodies and head back to civilization.
We go watch fireworks in the parking lot of the Grapevine Mills mall and Burim could care less about them. He ends up running around the parking lot and playing with his ball instead of looking at them. I think we have possibly burned him out on fireworks since we have been taking him up to the Ballpark after the Rangers' games to watch them in the parking lot. He doesn't appreciate them the way Shannon and I do since we only got to see them once a year in the parking lot of my step-dad's job at Fort Hood and those were nothing to get too excited about but we loved them. Troy announces he thinks it will be more fun to go back and do our sparklers instead.
When we get in the backyard, I am a little concerned with the crunching sound under my flip flops and I ask Shannon when is the last time she watered her grass?! She said she is just letting it die so I am a little concerned since it is STILL 96 degrees at 10:30 PM. Troy and Artan (my brother-in-law) appear to care not one bit and off they go, setting stuff on fire. I see embers glowing in the grass and my nervous memories of my mother's stern warnings are creeping up and making my tummy start to hurt. Of course, my mother (our adult supervision) is nowhere to be found, she crashed before the sun went down and was snoozing 1.5 miles a way. She probably woke up about 5 minutes later though...
Burim LOVED the sparklers and was running all around with them and was enjoying throwing his poppers on the ground and getting all excited when one actually popped and he made a sound like a wild animal and did his arms in little muscle man poses, showing us his brute strength (LOL) every time one made the loud noise.
Troy pulls out the sparkler fountain and Shannon glares at him (we were both worried the grass was going to catch on fire and burn the house down) and wants to know what it is. "Oh, it is just a sparkler fountain," I advise her knowingly, since I am now the fireworks expert in our family. "You put it on the ground and color comes out of it, just like a sparkler but it's a fountain." She still doesn't look convinced. Troy is trying to put it in the grass and I am yelling at him that isn't a good idea and he better put it on the concrete and she is yelling at him that he better keep it away from her pool. He is ignoring both of us and thinks we are idiots and hysterical females and Artan is still throwing poppers all over the place and holding three and four sparklers at a time to make a bigger fire. Troy puts the sparkler fountain on the grass and goes to light it. Shannon is glaring at him and goes to grab the garden hose and I bust out laughing.
What happened next, I only wish we had on video or at least had a couple of pictures. Now, keep in mind, we are in Shannon's backyard- of her DUPLEX, and we are well within the city limits and less than a mile from the big sign on the side of the road that says "Fireworks are strictly prohibited in the city limits". Just keep that in mind while you read on....
5 seconds after Troy lights the pretty sparkler fountain, it goes from a nice little light show on the ground to sparks start shooting up and FIREWORKS (actual fireworks) start shooting up in the air and over the house. Whistling and then exploding it goes off over and over and over and over again. My face is horrified and I am running towards the gate. I don't know where exactly I was headed but I was booking it out of there. I am too spoiled to be in jail. I would never survive.
Burim is standing transfixed staring at this explosion of light in his very own backyard with his eyes wide in amazement. Shannon is in shock and is looking like she honestly might kill Troy with her bare hands- or strangle him with the garden hose she is clutching for dear life. I am now laughing so hard I can't stop and am yelling at Troy, "MAKE IT STOP!!!!! We are going to get arrested!" He is looking a little panicked and just keeps saying, "It wasn't supposed to do that! She SAID!" He told me later that all he kept thinking is, "Oh my GOD, how long is it going to do that and can I make it stop?!" When I say it was LOUD, I am not kidding. We were full blown shooting off a fireworks display right in the middle of town. Kaboom, kaboom, kaboom, whistle, kaboom, over and over and over again. I am positive it was fine my mother didn't come over because she could surely see it from her apartment down the road, and I am thinking Troy's mom might have been able to see it in Mesquite 30 miles down the road too. Just when I think Shannon is about to douse the fountain AND my crazy husband with the garden hose, the screeching finally comes to an end and we are all just standing there in shock staring at each other.
It was a little thrilling to be completely honest (mostly AFTER it was over and no siren came roaring down the street) and I have never broken the law so blatantly (okay aside from speeding like a demon) so there was a little rush of adrenaline. But mostly, it was scary and hilarious all at the same time. Definitely a holiday memory for all time.
For future reference, the salesgirl at window 3 of the largest fireworks stand in Texas is a big fat liar and should NOT be trusted! That girl will tell you anything to sell you anything! LOL! Needless to say, we wrapped up our festivities and Troy quietly tucked the sparkler fountain that was three times the size of the one we had just set off back into our "top-secret big brown paper bag" and went and hid it back in the car. We were living on the edge last night but we aren't TOTALLY insane. :-)
For future reference, the salesgirl at window 3 of the largest fireworks stand in Texas is a big fat liar and should NOT be trusted! That girl will tell you anything to sell you anything! LOL! Needless to say, we wrapped up our festivities and Troy quietly tucked the sparkler fountain that was three times the size of the one we had just set off back into our "top-secret big brown paper bag" and went and hid it back in the car. We were living on the edge last night but we aren't TOTALLY insane. :-)
Hope everyone had a happy and safe 4th- we definitely had a happy one and the safe part, while debatable, ended up alright in the end. Happy Birthday America and God Bless the USA!
Love,
Becca
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Time flies....
Okay, people, you are going to have to start yelling at me on Facebook to stop playing Bejeweled and get my bootie over to my blog and post a new entry! I am serious when I say I cannot believe it has been almost a month since my last post. Unacceptable. But really, I guess I have been slacking all over the place since summer hit.
For some reason, I think because my sister is on summer break- I am too. Just ask my boss, I have been acting like I am on vacay for the last month and have spent the time I have been working trying to figure out new ways to take more time off. I triple love hanging out in the pool with my favorite little guy Burim and I love getting tan (tan fat=better than white fat, this is a proven fact) and I love gabbing the day away with Shannon and then facebooking on my phone while she facebooks on her computer and we are totally commenting to each other while we are sitting there staring at each other. I am aware this makes BOTH of us dorks but I don't care because I love it! Having those random fun days with her and her baby boy make it nearly IMPOSSIBLE for me to stay staring at the computer and sitting inside lovely government buildings all day. All I can think about is how much fun they are having without me and wondering WHY WHY WHY I am not a teacher for the million and tenth time. Oh yeah- I could NEVER get to work on time every day and being trapped with 20 to 30 kids in a room is my idea of torture. But the summer break....that I can do!
So, even though I am supposed to work this Friday and this Monday, I am spending this evening conniving a way to take both of those days off so I can hang out 3 miles down the road. I have spent so much time figuring that out, I guess I forgot to blog. Oh yeah- and work. I did get caught up today though so that month of slacking is behind me and I can move on to a NEW month of slacking. Yeah!
I am still going strong with the weight loss, down another 2 pounds last week. I have dropped about 3 sizes so far. My sister advised me on Friday that she knew I had lost weight because my boobs were smaller. Gotta love little sisters. Couldn't my REAR be smaller? Or my STOMACH or big flabby arms? Nope. Boobs. Such is life, I suppose anyway. I have backed off of my full-steam-ahead workouts 7 days a week. I say it is because I was worried about pushing too hard and getting injured...Troy says it's because I think I am on summer break and am stopping work of ALL types. Hmmmmm. What does he know? I bargained with myself that if I wasn't going to work out everyday, I had to change my contract with myself and drink 4 bottles of water each day instead of 3. I realize this makes no rational sense but it is how I am reconciling it all in my brain to justify my summer of leisure. Plus, the heat index IS over 100 and I would prefer NOT to die of heat stroke, I think it would hurt.
That's all for tonight. I will make a promise to do three things before I go eat my vegetable soup. I will go to water aerobics in the morning, I will walk/run on Friday morning, and I will blog again on Sunday. I talked to a friend from high school tonight (when I say talked, I mean facebooked of course, I rarely talk on the phone for pleasure anymore, it is always work and by the time I get done I have NO desire to do ACTUAL talking with anyone. When I finally peel the phone away from my ear or have it surgically removed for the week, I throw it in my purse or turn it on silent and shove it under my pillow. No idea why, but that's what I do. Don't judge!) and we traded blogs...that's when I came over here to peek at mine and I thought, OMG she is probably wondering why I am passing out my blog when I haven't posted in a month. Thus, this totally random and bizarre entry for tonight. To ease my guilty conscience. :-) It's my blog. I can do that if I want to.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
Becca
For some reason, I think because my sister is on summer break- I am too. Just ask my boss, I have been acting like I am on vacay for the last month and have spent the time I have been working trying to figure out new ways to take more time off. I triple love hanging out in the pool with my favorite little guy Burim and I love getting tan (tan fat=better than white fat, this is a proven fact) and I love gabbing the day away with Shannon and then facebooking on my phone while she facebooks on her computer and we are totally commenting to each other while we are sitting there staring at each other. I am aware this makes BOTH of us dorks but I don't care because I love it! Having those random fun days with her and her baby boy make it nearly IMPOSSIBLE for me to stay staring at the computer and sitting inside lovely government buildings all day. All I can think about is how much fun they are having without me and wondering WHY WHY WHY I am not a teacher for the million and tenth time. Oh yeah- I could NEVER get to work on time every day and being trapped with 20 to 30 kids in a room is my idea of torture. But the summer break....that I can do!
So, even though I am supposed to work this Friday and this Monday, I am spending this evening conniving a way to take both of those days off so I can hang out 3 miles down the road. I have spent so much time figuring that out, I guess I forgot to blog. Oh yeah- and work. I did get caught up today though so that month of slacking is behind me and I can move on to a NEW month of slacking. Yeah!
I am still going strong with the weight loss, down another 2 pounds last week. I have dropped about 3 sizes so far. My sister advised me on Friday that she knew I had lost weight because my boobs were smaller. Gotta love little sisters. Couldn't my REAR be smaller? Or my STOMACH or big flabby arms? Nope. Boobs. Such is life, I suppose anyway. I have backed off of my full-steam-ahead workouts 7 days a week. I say it is because I was worried about pushing too hard and getting injured...Troy says it's because I think I am on summer break and am stopping work of ALL types. Hmmmmm. What does he know? I bargained with myself that if I wasn't going to work out everyday, I had to change my contract with myself and drink 4 bottles of water each day instead of 3. I realize this makes no rational sense but it is how I am reconciling it all in my brain to justify my summer of leisure. Plus, the heat index IS over 100 and I would prefer NOT to die of heat stroke, I think it would hurt.
That's all for tonight. I will make a promise to do three things before I go eat my vegetable soup. I will go to water aerobics in the morning, I will walk/run on Friday morning, and I will blog again on Sunday. I talked to a friend from high school tonight (when I say talked, I mean facebooked of course, I rarely talk on the phone for pleasure anymore, it is always work and by the time I get done I have NO desire to do ACTUAL talking with anyone. When I finally peel the phone away from my ear or have it surgically removed for the week, I throw it in my purse or turn it on silent and shove it under my pillow. No idea why, but that's what I do. Don't judge!) and we traded blogs...that's when I came over here to peek at mine and I thought, OMG she is probably wondering why I am passing out my blog when I haven't posted in a month. Thus, this totally random and bizarre entry for tonight. To ease my guilty conscience. :-) It's my blog. I can do that if I want to.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
Becca
Monday, June 8, 2009
WW update
Several have asked, so I wanted to update real quickly. I am still doing Weight Watchers and it is going really well. This picture was taken last week (that's my best friend Peggy with me). SR says that shirt doesn't do me justice since it was so big. But it does describe how I'm feeling to a "T"!
WW's new program, Momentum, is the best program (or updated version of their program) that I have seen so far. I absolutely love it! There is a real focus on the healthy guidelines and on eating foods that are considered "simply filling". I have redefined what I want out of the program and am completely focused on getting HEALTHY and am considering the weight loss that is coming with it an added bonus. We are walking/running 3 miles a day and I have joined the gym and already been more times in two weeks than I went the entire year I had my membership in 2003. :-) I was so nervous to join water aerobics last week that I thought I might puke before I got there- but it was SO much fun and I loved it! It is on my calendar for the rest of the summer already!
I am dropping sizes like crazy and it won't be long (like probably this weekend) and I won't have to be in the plus sizes anymore. Yeah! I am sleeping 7 to 8 hours a night and I feel absolutely fabulous. So, for those who are curious as to the numbers...I am down to 85 pounds to lose! Never thought that would sound so manageable but considering how far I had to go when I started, this seems easier every day.
Between myself and Troy, we are over 40 pounds lighter as a couple. Isn't that crazy?! He looks like a different person already. I am trying not to be too jealous that people can notice so much more easily on him than they can on me. This has brought us so much closer as a couple and I am so grateful for that and for his improved health. He has serious issues with his lungs due to complications from a near-fatal bout of pneumonia two years ago and getting exercise and losing weight is very important for his health. Since I need him to stick around for a while (I need all the funny blog posts he provides...just kidding) I will deal with all the attention going his way...my turn will come. :-)
I am still sticking with my contract with myself and have made even more positive changes. My good friend, Ceci, told me several months ago that when she stopped working so much and started focusing on her health and dedicating time to HER, everything else fell into place and she was happier than she could remember being in a long, long time. I was SO jealous at the moment she told me that and I felt so overwhelmed. How could I make that same commitment? How did I take that first step? How could I stop working so much? It didn't seem possible at all. But that premise stuck in the back of my mind and when my vacation came around in April, I decided she was really on to something and that if I wanted it badly enough then I was the ONLY person who could make it happen. The rest, as they say, is history. Now I am "UNSTOPPABLE"! :-) Thank you Ceci! I love you girl!
XOXO,
Becca
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Oh my poor husband!
He had no idea when I started blogging to fulfill my own need for written expression and stress relief that he would be subjected to full public disclosure of the antics that go on in this home. I do just want to preface this post with the fact that HE was the one who asked me if I was going to blog about it when it happened....and I did get his permission to proceed. :-)
Troy is NOT a handyman and would much rather live in an apartment where the maintenance is someone else's responsibility and just a phone call away. My friends often tell me I should just threaten him that I am going to hire someone to complete the pending work and projects around the house and that this should "scare him" into finishing whatever it is. Not my husband. He would be ecstatic if I would just go hire someone and he would go merrily about his own business. Every once in a great while though, he surprises me and gets the bug to complete some long-ago started project without my constant whining and begging and pleading and groveling and bartering and....you catch my drift.
Friday was one of those days. Our guest bathroom has been in a state of "we're remodeling" for over a year now. It took me forever and a day to pick out the new mirror for this project and then to "Infinity and beyond" (to quote Buzz) to pick the new light fixture. So, much of the delay was in fact my issue....but the normal procrastination by Mr. Troy was also in play. We have had all of the new supplies eagerly lined up awaiting their new positions in the soon-to-be greatest guest bath ever (haha) for quite some time. Our housekeeper doesn't even bother to go in there any more- she is quite used to our remodeling antics that remain in a perpetual state of incompleteness and knows that I really just want her to dust and vacuum anyway. I am worried she might go into cardiac arrest when we leave that door open and there is actually a working light in there next week!
I work from home on Fridays and Troy's hours bring him to the house by 3 PM. So, that leaves about 1 or 2 hours that I have to keep working and keep reminding him that just because I am home doesn't mean I can party with him when he gets off work. This Friday, he barely stopped to kiss me on the forehead after his traditional "Lucy, I'm home!" greeting and disappeared into the darkness of the guest bathroom-land. Since we haven't had a working light fixture in that bathroom since Lassie was a pup, there is a big floor lamp plugged in to give us some light in case someone actually needs to use that restroom for the purpose it was intended in an emergency.
I am typing away, fielding calls from workers, and thinking in the back of my mind how surprised I am that Troy is not talking my ear off when I hear some very not nice words coming from the other side of the house. My husband is NOT a curser (I know this is shocking for some of you who are very close to me and don't know Troy all that well) so when he is cussing up a storm, I know something has gone awry. Ugh, what am I going to find in the guest bathroom that is going to set us back another 2 years? Before I can even make the journey around the hall, here comes my husband, sprinting across the bedroom into the bathroom that has an actual working light fixture in it and he is hiking up his leg in the mirror trying to catch a glimpse of something. "What the heck is going on in there Troy?! I am trying to WORK!"
"I burned my ass!"
"WHAT?"
"I BURNED MY ASS!"
I am so confused at this point I am not sure what in the world is going on. I put aside the pink laptop, sigh loudly (so he will be sure to know how inconvenienced I am at this point), and venture into our bathroom. There is Troy, dressed in a T-shirt and underwear, looking at his rear-end in the mirror. My eyebrows are all scrunched up trying to figure out exactly what has happened.
"Do you see it?!" He is not a happy camper I take it.
"See what?"
"My burned ass!"
Hmmmm, I do see something, what the heck is that? He points to a huge silver dollar sized red burn right on the bottom of his bum. It certainly looks like a burn. He does not appear to appreciate my slowness in accepting that he has burned his ass. "What were you doing," I inquire. "Trying to finish patching the hole in the wall!" I am still not understanding how this led to a burned rear-end. And why isn't he wearing any pants?! "I didn't want to get texture on my shorts!" He is really not getting any happier with me at this point. His bootie really looks kind of painful! That puppy is turning redder by the second!
"Exactly how did you burn your ass?"
"On the light bulb dangit!"
"Why was the cover off the lamp?"
"So I could see better!"
"How did that work out for you?"
"I burned my ass!"
Apparently, when he was stepping down off of the vanity top, he didn't realize the lamp was right behind him and set his bottom straight on top of the bare, exposed light bulb. I laughed so hard, I nearly cried. My worker actually thought I WAS crying when I had to pause from the riveting investigation into the burned rear-end to take a work phone call. I had to breathe deeply to be able to calm down enough to talk to her intelligently. Then came the all important question from my burned hubby...."Are you going to BLOG about this?!" Well........of course I am. You just can't make this stuff up.
Lord, I just want to say thank you for bringing this man into my life. Without him, I would have never known the joy of true love, the blessing of marriage, and the gift of great fun and laughter.
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