Sunday, March 28, 2010

Lessons I had already learned

Today I learned a bunch of new stuff. Only thing is...I already knew all of it!

1) Our house is sooooo NOT child proofed. Child Proof. Child Proofed? Which ever. It's neither anyway. Burim was here for 3 1/2 hours today. Enough said. My poor sister at one point sighed in exasperation and said, "Lord! Is everything in this damned house breakable?!" I looked around and sure enough....that pretty much appears to be the case. He was truly an angel in spite of it all. Nothing was broken or even damaged. Yay Burim!

2) If I eat a half bag of whoppers, I will get a tummy ache. Whether or not they are disguised as Easter eggs and painted pretty colors, this will happen. I am not saying I found this out by actually DOING this today. I'm just saying this is true and it's something I already should have known.

3) I love my sister and Burim more than should be allowed to love two other human beings. I had missed them so much. When they came today...everything was right and part of my soul lit back up. I told Burim, "Burimi, I missed you so much!" and he came to me and hugged me and said, "Becca. I missed you too!" It broke my heart. I am SO ready for this madness with my current situation to be over...I cannot ever go this along again without seeing my dear sister and her beautiful child. They bring me joy. I knew this already...but I remembered again today. Oh boy did I! (P.S. SHANNON you look GREAT! Keep it up!)

4) I'm scared to death for Tuesday to get here. I knew it deep down this whole time...but today it hit me like a ton of bricks. I have been going on and on about how ready I am to be over and done with the situation...but I am terrified. My stomach is in knots. Then, Mr. Helpful, otherwise known as Troy Boy...asks me tonight..."are you scared?" and I whispered, "Yes. I'm terrified." I'm sitting there waiting for the reassurance, the hand squeeze, the speech about how there is nothing to worry about and it will all be fine, and it doesn't matter what happens anyway because all we need is each other and nothing will change that, the same speech he gives me every day of my life. But, I'm waiting in vain. He won't look at me and says, "Yeah. Me too." WHAT?! I pause for a second, give him the evil eye, and say, "Are you playing around right now? Cuz that ain't funny!" But no. He isn't playing. So, we took yet another moment of silence and prayer and gathered our wits about us. The man deserves the chance to not play superhero for a moment and let me know how he really feels. He will likely have to make some life altering decisions on Tuesday all by his lonesome and I know that is a tremendous burden for him to carry. He just wants so badly for me to be "alright" again and I know he is just treading water waiting until the moment the Dr. comes out of the OR and gives him the skinny. To be honest...I think I am the luckier one in this situation. I cannot imagine being in his shoes. Waiting there to hear the news. Knowing he has to tell it to me when I wake up. Please pray for him. We have been over it a million times, we have prayed faithfully. He has his instructions. My dad has been given his instructions in case Troy forgets his instructions. It will be okay. But every little bit will help. It will be here before we know it at this point now. Tuesday will come and we will have our answers. Whether we are ready to hear them or not. I knew I was scared. I just forgot until today. Maybe I will forget again until it's over. That sounds like a GREAT plan. I am going to go with that one.

Much Love.


  1. Girl, I wish I were back in Texas, I'd be out there with him, and ready to talk with you. It will be okay- he will be okay and so will you. Scared is part of the drama-- but if you weren't I'd say you were nuts. The waiting for it sucks, but once it's here- it's just answers to prayers!

  2. awwwww, im so sorry. i will be praying for you tomorrow. i promise. i was so happy to see troy lee at central market yesterday (so random!) and i take that as a sign that i need to pray even harder now. so, that i will do. i love you and everything will be okay. muah!